Celebrate Good Times
For at least a decade now, we have heard preachers, politicians and ordinary folk alike stress how important it is to tolerate others. We have also heard countless speeches and possibly attended, even more, seminars on how to celebrate our lives.
Absolutely nothing wrong with either of the two. With the world going through another major transition, tolerance and celebration are welcomed ideas. However, some have taken tolerance to a politically correct extreme. Then there are those who miss the many opportunities to celebrate.
On a more personal level, to you, being tolerated is a good thing but holds challenges. The question here is: do you want to be tolerated or celebrated? Opinions will vary and I am sure there will be at least one who will vote for both. There was a time that I too would cast a similar vote: tolerate and celebrate are on the same level. Today, however, at this ripe old age of 52, my opinion is inching more towards a celebration, particularly in personal relationships.
While this post is not only intended for women and definitely not for those of a certain age only, they are uppermost in my mind. millennial women will also gain a lot from my reasons to celebrate themselves. More of that a bit later.
Gone are the days, when a single person of whatever age would go to church, a club, the library or even the grocery store to meet someone. Yes, people do meet in these settings but online dating is far more popular and efficient we could say. Read an article a few years ago that stated that “more than a third of new marriages begin with an online meeting.” Shake your head at that statistics or not, online is where things are at now.
The flip side of that, which is also documented, is that the chances of rejection, abuse and outright disrespectful attitudes one to another are magnified. From personal experiences, whatever your age, non-tolerance for you as a woman, one of colour, lovers of a certain type of music or even your line of work is starker. Recently, I posted about being scammed and how to minimise the chances of that happening to you. This is important for those who use online dating so check out that post.
Celebrate vs. Tolerate
At the heart of any conversation about being tolerated or celebrated is that both begin with you. What do I mean by that?
People will see your differences from them and willingly or not acknowledge them. Accepting and embracing them might or might not happen. They tolerate who you are, in my view, when they say, “I didn’t notice (or see) that you (fill in the blank).” That is crap! My particular problem is when someone tells me that they did not see that my skin tone is of a darker hue. How could they not? For me, that means they are tolerating me – and that is unacceptable.
It is particularly problematic in an intimate or supposed intimate, relationship. Shannon L. Alder says it best.
The purpose of any healthy relationship is to find someone who will magnify your life’s experiences, not tolerate it or become a spectator of it.”
However, to cause that celebration to begin, the catalyst must be you. How you bring yourself to the table will help to determine what you are served.
The ABC Steps
“There’s a party going on right here…a celebration that lasts throughout the years.” Cool & The Gang
If that is your want – for a relationship in which you and your mate celebrate each other, first you must do these three things.
- Autopsy: Before entering into your next relationship, take the time to find out why your last relationship ended. What was your role in the ending of it? Be honest with yourself, it’s not solely the ex’s problems. Do an emotional autopsy on your last relationship or two. Which emotion was most active and how did it affect the relationship?
- Be Still: Sit with the answers for however long that you need to and then get to know yourself. Check out this post for some tips.
- Clarify: With those two previous steps done, you are much closer to being clear about yourself. A large part of clarity and getting in the mode to celebrate yourself is learning from the chaos. Here is another post that will help.
Celebrate All Of You And They Will Too
Only after knowing your ABC of your past relationships – how they went down, pun intended – will you be ready for the next.
As a believer in like attracting like, experience has shown me that who I am at the core will call the one(s) matching me. The same is true for you. Before you put up that next profile, go church or a social gathering with the idea of meeting someone, do your homework.
Until you celebrate all of you, no one else will!
“You were born an original work of art. Stay original always. Originals cost more than imitations.” ― Suzy Kassem