Never Be So Desperate And Do These Things

When I Grow Up

“This is one more piece of advice I have for you: don’t get impatient. Even if things are so tangled up you can’t do anything, don’t get desperate or blow a fuse and start yanking on one particular thread before it’s ready to come undone. You have to realize it’s going to be a long process and that you’ll work on things slowly, one at a time.” ― Haruki Murakami

desperateMany of us living in the Western Hemisphere aspired to certain things as children. White picket fence, professional career, double or even triple car garage, a summer cottage, spouse and two kids as the ideal family. For some, it was the parents who instilled such goals.  Others came to them on their own. The motivating factors varied. The family circumstances, the neighbourhood we grew up in or what a teacher said or did not say in school.  These goals completely changed or underwent adjustments as time went by and “reality” set in.

In my case, as I have shared before, my earliest professional aspiration was to be a medical doctor. My earliest role models, two sisters who were my neighbours, wanted to enter the medical profession. They were much ‘brighter’ than I was and so to me that seemed like the goal to have.

Desperate Measures

That was at age 10. My late mother forked out money that she could ill-afford to buy me the complete set of the Encyclopedia. She thought that would put me on the path to an internship. Well, it was of no use. See, Mathematics was one of my greatest challenges in school. My discomfort went way beyond being in a hot and overcrowded classroom after lunch reciting the timetables. I would slouch, almost under my desk, desperate for the super power to make myself invisible. Fervent was my prayer that the teacher would not call on me to tell her what was 7 x 7. That was the hardest!

Medicine, as you well know, requires knowledge of Mathematics.  It is the foundation of physics and chemistry. Even up to high school, I was still struggling with the subject. Truth be told, to this day the struggle remains real. Thank heavens for calculators but more so for smartphones! I am the one who you see counting on her fingers when a 9 needs to be added to a 7!

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Thankfully, my true love would be revealed and the notion of being a medical doctor was set aside. Not everyone was so lucky to recognise their skills early and instead pursue them. This fellow I knew was one such person. At age 35, he was still desperate to be a doctor although he had to then excelled as a physical education teacher. After two years on a preparatory faculty, he finally managed to pass some of the prerequisites to enter medical school. That, however, was short-lived as he had to change programmes and do what was within his ability.

This Is Not About Quitting

desperateThere is absolutely no shame in starting over, recognizing what is within your ability, identifying your skill-set and knowing what you can and cannot do. This is true for educational pursuits, your career path or even in a relationship.

Yes, it has been said that “The desperate usually succeed because they have nothing to lose.” You might have read hundreds of motivational quotes and articles that tell you never to give up. This, however, is not about quitting. There comes a point in life when you must understand, accept, and fully embrace what is yours and what is not.

When it became clear to me that medical school or even nursing was not going to be part of my future, I had to dig in and find out what was I good at. Whether it is school, work or your love life, never be so desperate and:

 

  • Ignore the signs giving you clues that you are on the wrong path. It could be something as simple as a tightening of your gut when you approach the classroom door. It could be waking up in the morning and throwing up at the thought of work.
  • Follow the crowd. Not because everyone else is doing squats, dressing in a certain style or going vegan and you are desperate to fit in, should you go against your natural ability or tastes.
  • Be who you are not. This is more than just trying to fit in. When you find that you have stopped thinking for yourself but allow family, your significant other and/or the news to tell you your stance on an issue, you know you have sold yourself short.
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Go To Hell!

In the world of dogma, you become free the day you decide to go to hell. Aniekee Tochukwu Ezekiel

Falling in step, being one of the crowd, toeing the line – those are the easy ways out. Go to hell – even in a hand basket if that is your preferred means of transportation!

be youDare to be you in a world that would want us all to be the same, think and act like herds. Never be so desperate and conform to live easy. Trust me, it is a trick!

That is the hard way of living as you will struggle to pass exams that you were never intended to sit in the first place. You will be in relationships that will bring you no joy because you were born to be single. The corner office might be yours but you will never truly savour the view because it was not meant for your eyes.

The only thing you should be desperate to be is You!

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Have a wonderful rest of the day and week!

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42 thoughts on “Never Be So Desperate And Do These Things

  1. Love this. I had to chuckle at the 7×7. Ohhhh, I remember learning multiplication facts and the 7s were the worse. You are right, though. We have signs telling us which path to take and signs telling us to go the other path. So many times we do the “cool” thing vs being true to who we are.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Those tables were hard! Cool isn’t necessarily right – as we most of us have come to realise. Thanks for the visit! 🙂

  2. Hey Claudette. Doing anything out of desperation does not end up well for any party involved. Thank you for this great reminder of listening to our gut and going in that direction!

  3. We must never forget who we are. We tend to become desperate when we are out of options as well or at least that’s what we think. We definitely should never ignore the signs.
    Carol Cassara recently posted…The waning days of fallMy Profile

  4. This is great advice!!! Making sure to be true to yourself and your life goals is so important to put first.

    1. Ms Claudette

      So right Bill! 🙂

  5. Elizabeth O.

    I could not have said it better myself. This is a message that we all have to hear loud and clear regardless of how old we are or where we are in life. We have to be good at being us and not being somebody else.

  6. You do you is one of my favorite sayings. It’s so true.

  7. I love the advice to listen to your body and not ignore those gut feelings!

    1. Ms Claudette

      It’s really unwise to do so Erin. 🙂

  8. I love this post it’s about being yourself no matter what

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you very much! 🙂

  9. I so agree! Society should not define us. We need to start finding our own selves even if everybody tells us it’s no use.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Amen to that Liz! 🙂

  10. A great and inspiring post! Thank you for sharing!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you for the visit Nicky! 🙂

  11. Michelle

    Enjoyed this very much. Thank you

    1. Ms Claudette

      I am glad you did and thank you for leaving a comment. 🙂

  12. #Liveauthentic… this Post tells me that inn bucket loads. And this touched me. “…don’t get desperate or blow a fuse and start yanking on one particular thread before it’s ready to come undone. You have to realize it’s going to be a long process and that you’ll work on things slowly, one at a time.” WHY?
    Because I see so may amazing highly educated people who spent years in school, not looking for the cookie cutter fix and forgetting everything they learned in school about success! Powerful Post Claudette. I missed you and thanks to God you are back!

    Julie Syl

    1. Ms Claudette

      I am glad that it resonated with you Julie! Like I said, I am back but posting only once a week now. That is what works best for me at this time. Thanks for your support as always. 🙂

  13. Rhewi Montemayor

    What a great bunch of reminders and advice!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Glad that you feel that way, Rhewi! 🙂

  14. People at a young age have so many expectations to live up too. I completed three years of college unsure if I really wanted to or not at the time.

    1. Ms Claudette

      So many feel that way Bismah but nothing that we do is a waste of time. Hope you feel that way as well. 🙂

  15. Jenni Petrey

    Great advice, I keep telling my children that as long as they try their hardest, we’ll always be proud of them, no matter what.

    1. Ms Claudette

      That is sound advice and wings for your children to succeed Jenni! 🙂

  16. I appreciate the distinction between quitting and starting over. Famously, insanity has been described as doing the same thing and expecting different results. Many people should start over, attempting a different approach.
    Scott LaPierre recently posted…We want to answer your marriage questions on Facebook Live!My Profile

    1. Ms Claudette

      I could not agree with you more Scott! There is no shame in either quitting or starting over. However, when we choose to start over, we empower ourselves because we take the lessons with us and not hang our head in defeat. 🙂

  17. That’s a great advice! I struggle at math when I was young. This subject is just not my thing. I always try to avoid course programs that has math in it.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I tried that tactic as well Sharon, but it followed me to this day! 🙂

  18. I remember my friend would be txting or calling me telling me she wanted to quit college and I encouraged her to stick with it. I said this is the ugly season good things are coming. She stuck with it!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Glad to hear that your friend stuck with college and I hope she is happy that she did Mihaela! 🙂

  19. Nancy L.

    Great post! My daughter is in her second year at college and is coming to the realization that maybe she doesn’t want to be a doctor. I think one year of chem can do that? lol 😉 You are right. It is not quitting! It’s finding what makes you happy.

  20. [ Smiles ] Hmm. This one is deep.

    This looks like a case of getting in touch with your authentic self!

  21. Math can be SO difficult! I was always pretty awful at it. I tried. The best I could do was a C.
    Amber Myers recently posted…8 Facts About My Teenager With AutismMy Profile

  22. I like this. Kudos to you for achieving your dreams even with struggles. I’m awful at math. I can’t even help my kids with their homework without shedding tears!
    Julie Maloney recently posted…The Walking Dead: Life After NeganMy Profile

    1. Ms Claudette

      I know that feeling Julie! I had to get someone to tutor my daughter when she needed help. 🙂

  23. Great advice. Persistence is important.

  24. It’s so easy to get caught up in comparison. But you’re you for a reason!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Precisely Amanda, precisely!

  25. “Not about quitting” was my favorite part of this post. Thank you!

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are most welcome and thank you for the visit! 🙂

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