Security, Spouse Or Sex? Which Is #1?

Depends On Your Priority

sexWhen this post on the three S’s, security, spouse and sex was first published in 2005, I was on a treadmill for a couple of years. No, not the one that customarily comes to mind, especially to you exercise buffs. Anyone who saw me then and even now, know that exercise has the least priority on my list – sad as that may be. Before those emails start coming, questioning me about my arguments for self-care – let me just say, “I know.” Ironically, at the first publication of this post and again recently, my daughter tries to convince me to join a gym with her. I still have not.

For some reason though, my weight has remained constant – none-too small in the middle and all right everywhere else. Go figure! A man who I dated years and years ago called it the middle age spread and he warned me that I was in danger of losing him if that happened to me. Well you all know the score on that.

Fifteen years have in fact passed since this post was first written. Its first republishing was in 2005 and now today. I share it again as we are in the last week of our month-long look at various life challenges. It serves as a reminder to check whether you are searching for the “S’s” that will give your life meaning. As a student of life, theology and world religions and spirituality, I often turn to various texts for inspiration. Here are a few to set the tone for this conversation on security, your spouse and sex:

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own? 1 Corinthian 6:19

The body is the sheath of the soul. Talmud, Sanhedrin 108a (Jainism)

God is with me. He is my Source of life, the life within, the air I breathe, the food by which I am sustained, the water which renews and cleanse me. A Course In Miracles: W.pII. 222.1-2

The Search For Security, Spouse And Sex

Every human being searches to find what I call “The Three S’s. For many, the search takes a lifetime and with any ‘luck’ one or two of the S’s are found – often never all. There are some who, believing that they have all three, become relaxed and complacent and end up losing all of their S’s.

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sexSecurity, Spouse and Sex (good Sex). For each person, the form, shape, size or frequency of these S’s are relative to their perception of good. However, there are certain things common to most. For example, security is usually based on having a ‘fat’ bank account and a sizeable income. Having a spouse, for most, is based on a concept of partnership that is equal to personal happiness. Sex is in a league of its own though. Often “no money, means no sex.” No money can also mean no security and for many it means no spouse (at least not the penniless one.) You might of seen something similar on websites like full tube.

Can you now begin to understand why some never feel satisfied, as one of the S’s is usually missing – or so it seems?

Sometimes you believe you have a spouse, the sex is relatively good just like sex on websites similar to but the creditors are at your windows, peeping and waiting to interrupt the afterglow. How then can you find stability (another S)? Should you be looking to some other letter in the alphabet for better clues?

I propose that we stick with the letter S, but let us choose instead some other words, let us re-phrase our search. Let us change:

  • Security ?Source
  • Spouse ? Spirit
  • Sex ? Soul

Can you see the co-relation? Do you see where I am going with this?

Reaching For ‘The Real’

To have real Security, we need to recognize the Source of all things – money, house, car, etc.

To have or be a loving Spouse, we need to recognize and honour the Spirit within each person but in ourselves first.

To have a life-enhancing, intimate and loving relationship, crudely put, to have really great Sex, we must be willing to first recognize and embrace the Soul – our own and that of our lover.

Struggling, worrying and fighting will not give real security. Changing ‘spouse’ monthly and constantly looking outside will not set up a long-term or life-supporting relationship. Sex and good sex for that matter does not live in skill or frequency but rather in understanding yourself to the core and in being willing and open to receiving your partner for all who they are. However, most people do decide to improve their sex by watching videos, and this is a valid reason. Websites such as Nu Bay will show you how to really make good love.

sexWhat I am suggesting is that we need to find only one S – your Source, your Spirit of Love, your Sacred – whatever word you wish to use, however you choose to name it. Our search will take on a new and deeper dimension, when we consciously recognize that security, spouse and (good) sex will be long-lasting only when we truly enter a relationship with the Father/Mother of all S’s. Then and only then will we begin to appreciate and experience joy, peace and prosperity.

It is with the weight of your Source, the backing of the Love of Spirit, on the arms of what is Sacred to you – that whatever challenges face you, whether that is financial, in your relationship, friendships or in your career – you will be prepared to not only handle them but grow through them.

This week, subscribers started receiving daily motivations to help them develop a closer link with their Sacred. Consequently over time and if they keep up their daily commitment, they will see improvement in their sense of security, their relationship with their spouses as well as in their sex lives.

Regular readers might have noticed that Weekday Wisdom© was not shared here last Friday. That was intentional as, along with our newsletter, this material will in future be only available to subscribed members of this community. If you would like to receive more direct communications, have conversations with me, join our community and have access to these and other publications shared with members only.

We all want the best for our lives in all aspects of it – greater sense of security, an awesome relationship with our spouses and in our sex lives. Wishing and hoping will not make that happen. It takes intentional attitude and behaviour. Are you ready to try?

Claudette P. Esterine

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2 thoughts on “Security, Spouse Or Sex? Which Is #1?

  1. It is possible to have all three and if that is what you want then you should hold out for it. It is very difficult to have a good relationship when one of these areas are missing or not operating in a manner that is pleasing. Some people prefer to have a semblance of things to say they have it but I say hell no. I do not need to pretend and remain, if I am not getting what I want or even need.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I am sure it is possible – I just have not had it…yet…in a relationship…one is always missing. Usually it is the sense of security. Then I figured that no one can make me feel secure but me. So, now I have the security but not the other two! LOL.

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