Coping With The Death Of A Loved One

Private Suffering

deathThe ‘closest’ person to me to have died was my father. However, ‘close’ is a relative word as, up to his death in the early 1980’s, I had seen the man fewer times than the number of fingers on my hands.

Harry Mac, as we affectionately called him, was an ex’s father and was more of a Dad to me than my own. He made his transition in the 1990’s. Publicly, I was stoic and, along with my ex, we planned and hosted the memorial to celebrate his life. I’ve done many difficult things in my life, but I actually think that this was the worst out of the lot. It was heartbreaking, but I tried really hard to put my own personal feelings to the side in order to give Harry Mac a truly great send-off. He did, however, make this significantly easier for us by deciding to buy Final Expense Life Insurance (this policy may suit you) alongside regular life insurance that helped to make sure that not only would his family remain financially stable after his passing, but the expenses for his funeral would be taken care of too. Because of this, we were able to give him a great celebration. I hope he was proud, as I have never experienced sorrow quite like this before.

Privately, I mourned with a passion so deep it was unspeakable. Deaths are hard, however, some people have to act stronger than others to make sure there is some organization amongst the sadness. When a family member does pass away, it’s important that someone clears out their home to make sure it can be put on the market at some point. This can be tough, but it’s important to do this. Contacting a removal company is also a good idea. A lot of companies will be used to Hard rubbish removals, so they will able to conduct these services with compassion and respect. Hopefully, that will make the job a little easier. Some people have to be strong, and it seemed that my ex and I were the strong ones.

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The death of a spouse I have never experienced.

As the now late Mrs. Mac mourned the loss of her husband and for a very long time, I became somewhat impatient with her demands. Not yet trained in chaplaincy, having not witnessed and stood in the gap with persons mourning the passing of their loved ones, my thought was “Enough already!

She was reaching out to fill a void – 30 years of togetherness with one man – but it was one that truly no other person can step into, not completely. Although they could not, she tried to get her children, particularly the younger one – my ex – to try. That was what made me impatient and even angry at times.

Sometimes deaths can occur at the most unexpected times which makes it all the more important that people seriously consider some of these questions regarding life insurance policy. Some deaths you can prepare yourself with, others come out of the blue and some can be caused through an accident that was their fault. This can be the worst kind, where it’s the fault of somebody else. If you have experienced something like this then it might be a good idea to check out someone like this Nehora Law Firm, to help you get the compensation you deserve. It won’t bring the person back but it might help you.

Changed Relationship With Death

My relationship with death has changed very much over the years. More so since the first publication of this post a few years ago. I have moved from fear, bordering on major panic attack should a hearse drive by and impatience for those needing ‘a long’ time to mourn.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. Mark Twain

deathToday, thankfully, I have learned the lessons of grief and comfort. My training in inter-faith chaplaincy, particularly my experience observing a multiple heart bypass surgery and not seeing ‘the soul’, preparing bodies in the morgue of the hospital for family viewing and private farewells, along with my very personal spiritual journey have taught me compassion and patience with others’ experience of grieving.

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Death is no longer something that I am afraid of and I understand much better the meaning of loss of a loved one, albeit not a spouse. Yet I continue to struggle with the word “loss” and much prefer “transition” as death to me is not a loss but a movement. This is all “simple” for me to say, having not had a spouse transition. So I turn the question over to you.

Have you had this intimate experience of the “movement” of a spouse into the other realm? How did you cope? What is the most important suggestion you would give to someone having this experience now?

It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things. Lemony Snicket

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Death is one of the life challenges, paradoxically, that can either open us or close us to living even more fully. So, please share your thoughts and your wisdom in the comment section below, as well, consider joining our community by subscribing. You will receive my monthly newsletter as well as Weekday Wisdom © which is a daily motivational email sent to you every Monday through Friday.

Do enjoy the rest of your day.


Claudette P. Esterine

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4 thoughts on “Coping With The Death Of A Loved One

  1. Death…if I could reach out and kill death oh how I would. I have lost both parents, most recently my mum and that seems to be the hardest to deal with. As I write I am wiping away tears because it just feels like yesterday. I am dreading mothers’ day again this year….Sigh.

    1. Ms Claudette

      My heart goes out to you Mardene. 🙁 This is why I write the things I write – because it is realities that we all are living and growing through. That is what I feel, know and believe that you will be doing, growing at your own pace with your parent’s transition. May the peace that passeth all understanding descend and be with you, now and forever more. Namaste.

  2. I have a firm belief in the next chapter, so even though many close to me have crossed, death is not the frightful thing it could be. I rejoice for them.
    Diane recently posted…Barn DanceMy Profile

    1. Ms Claudette

      Another thing that we have in common, Diane. 🙂

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