What Is It Anyway?
Have you ever asked someone if they love you and the response was ‘Unconditionally’? Your heart must have melted, your knees got weak and you would have given your everything, including your firstborn child to him or her. Right? But what does unconditional love mean?
Did you ask how does that unconditional love look or were the words enough for you? Only once in my life an intimate partner told me their love was unconditional and maybe my mistake was asking that question. Maybe it awoke the person from their stupor, made them realise the emptiness of their words as they were never able to demonstrate it. Maybe I killed the magic with my rationality.
Katia Millary in her book, The Sea of Tranquility says it perfectly as far as I am concerned:
People like to say love is unconditional, but it’s not, and even if it was unconditional, it’s still never free. There’s always an expectation attached. They always want something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won’t be happy unless you are … I just don’t want that responsibility.
That is the truth – no one is responsible for your happiness. Declarations of unconditional love is hardly matched with demonstrations of it. It is a lesson that took many years to learn so when told that this love for me was “unconditional,” I knew that the speaker had no idea what they were really saying. It was clear to me it was being said to either ‘make me happy’ or shut me up.
On Monday, Weekday Wisdom© was emailed to Subscribers to this blog, inviting them to contemplate this thing called “unconditional love.” I send these daily motivational tips to members of this community at the beginning of the week to use as best suits your needs. The intention is to help you prepare for the day – to live your best life, one day at a time. As we continue our look at intimate relationships – aspects of intimacy that you might not have considered – here are the Wisdom affirmations of the week for you.
Unconditional Weekday Wisdom©
Give Me Your Unconditional Love
Are you old enough to remember that song? If not, here is a link to it. We all danced like crazy when it came on as not only was it catchy but the sentiment felt like something we should be happy about. What really is unconditional love? Have you ever experienced it or gave it to someone?
This week’s Wisdoms will guide us to a greater appreciation of this unconditional love and open our hearts to see if it resides in us beginning with this affirmation:
“My loving of anyone is not determined by who they are or what they represent. I love because I am love.”
The Rose And The Thorn
[March 8] is International Woman’s Day and many will receive flowers, chocolates, etc in observation of the day. Others will be sending. Whatever end of the exchange that you find yourself, the words of Anne Brontë come to mind:
“But he who dares not grasp the thorn…Should never crave the rose.”
To love another unconditionally, you must be willing, able and ready to see, discuss and love the thorny parts of their nature as well as the blooms. This is not about accepting or putting up with abuse of any sort. Rather it is the ability to love the “holiness” residing within, despite the circumstance of the person’s life in this moment without sacrificing your personal sense of worth.
The thorns are the troubles, challenges or contrasts through which both of you grow. The roses are the rewards, the tenderness and the expression of beauty that comes forth as long you both are growing.
“I see my (partner, intended, mate, husband or wife) for all that he/she is and I am grateful for the thorns as well as the roses in our journey together.”
I Love You
“It should be a privilege to be able to say “I love you” to someone. It shouldn’t be something people say just because they feel like it. A privilege that is earned. They say you have to earn the right to be loved; no, love is unconditional, if you love someone, they don’t have to earn it. But. The right to tell someone that you love them? That has to be earned. You have to earn the right to be believed.” C. JoyBell C.
Agree with her or not, C. JoyBell C is onto something there. How many times have you heard those words but the action did not back them up? How many times have they been uttered from your lips but your heart was questioning of their truth? As of today, let us commit:
“There is no need for me to utter meaningless declarations of love as my actions says it all.”
In My Eyes
Have you ever seen someone and thought (or worse yet said) “only a mother could love that face?” We all are guilty of judging by appearances and never going beyond that. There are many couples who have been together for years, happy and prosperous and there are those onlookers who think “what does he/she sees in him/her?”
Unconditional love goes way beyond looks and straight to heart. Looks are deceiving and the heart never lies. So, if you are ready to go to the land of truth, let us borrow the words of Mary Haskell today and affirm regarding our mate or the one to come:
“Nothing you become will disappoint me; I have no preconception that I’d like to see you be or do. I have no desire to foresee you, only to discover you. You can’t disappoint me.”
You can join the conversation and get Weekday Wisdom© right off the press every Monday – Friday morning. We closed this week with this wonderful video that I hope you will watch as it caps the conversation about unconditional love. Watch and fill in the blank, today and every day, then go out and live it. Namaste.
“Love is …….”