Married But Alone? What Went Wrong?

Single marriedLife Might Have Been Better

There are two Jamaica proverbs or sayings about relationships and being married that really appeal to me for different reasons.  When I was about 10 or so years old, Jamaica’s National Folk Singers came to my school – well a section of the group. One of the many songs they did stuck with me for many years and after every breakup, it would come to mind and roll off my lips only to be forgotten as soon as another potential partner caught my attention:

Before me married an go hug up mango tree
Me we live so me one
Before me married an go hug up mango tree
Me we live so me one
A jus month before las de gal Liza married
An she magha yu see
Everynight a she one deh a yard
She nuh see im till daylight
An poor Liza, er husband nuh give er a cent
An she ha fe pay de rent
She ha fe fine money fe buy food and clothe
An fe mine di pickney Rose
Me say before mi married an go bite me finga
Me we live so me one
Me say before mi married an go bite me finga
Me we live so me one
Me say before mi married an go bite me finga
Me we live so me one
Me say before mi married an go bite me finga
Me we live so me one

I would not attempt translating all of that for you but what this folk song basically says is that rather than marry and be left to hug a mango tree, as the husband in this case is MIA, this woman would rather live alone. As a single woman for years now and absolutely loving the freedom that come with it, the sentiments are shared. There are many women, all over the world and not just in Jamaica, understand the feeling of being married to someone who does not come home at nights, does not or hardly contribute to the household expenses including rent or mortgage, and worse yet does not contribute to the expenses related to the children they might have.  The song ends on the note that “before I marry and have to bite my finger, I will live alone.”

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Married: Shut One Eye

Continuing our conversation about intimacy and relationships, today’s Tuesday Thought© explores another Jamaican proverb related to being married. Actually, this one offers some advice for those of you considering marriage. As always, you are invited to watch the video in which I explain the proverb in more detail.  The proverb that I am sharing today requires no translation from Jamaica patois to English:

“Before you marry keep both eyes open, after marriage shut one.”

Its meaning is somewhat obvious but check out the video if it eludes you:

Do have a wonderful rest of the day and subscribe and join our community to receive a daily update of our new posts, as well as Weekday Wisdom© which is a dose of motivation delivered straight to your inbox every Monday morning through to Friday.

Be blessed and open both eyes if you are single and shut one if married!

Namaste

Claudette P. Esterine
Claudette

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9 thoughts on “Married But Alone? What Went Wrong?

  1. A marriage is wonderful if you can work things out together. Been much easier the second time around and I enjoyed my single years in between.

    1. Ms Claudette

      It’s like leftovers – tastes better the next day, right Roslyn? 🙂 Thanks for the visit and comment.

  2. Great post Claudette. As a single gal I do definitely enjoy my life heaps better now than when I was in a relationship with my ex finance of 10 years. Freedom to do what you want. Say what you want. Hang out with who you want. Dress how you like….you get the idea lol 🙂
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    1. Ms Claudette

      While I am glad for the happily married visitors and readers of this blog, I am so with you on this Stephanie! 🙂

  3. have been married 17 Years and I love my hubby even more, I find we bounce ideas off each other even more and seek each others counsel. I really do understand that not all relationships work out, Yet I am so glad mine does work. By The grace of God!

    1. Ms Claudette

      And I am so glad for you that you and your hubby found each other and continue to grow together! Namaste. 🙂

  4. I am getting married in November and my fiance and I definitely SPEAK UP and see eye to eye on most things but we aren’t afraid to engage in witty banter and argue all in good natured fun. He and I make each other better and want to always see each other shine – so I am excited for our future together.

  5. Dadedada…I have said it so many times. If I am worst off being married then back to single life it is for me. The problem with many women is the ring is more important than their happiness. This brings them to hang on to things that have been dead for years…no pun intended….LOL
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    1. Ms Claudette

      Of course the pun was intended!!! 🙂 I have heard so many women say they are staying in a marriage for the sake of the children. For what? To teach them misery, unhappiness and in the worse cases how to be abusers or take the abuse? Heck no!

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