One thing I no longer do – chasing people or anything. It was a favourite pastime of mine years ago but after falling flat on my face, bursting my lips and having my face smashed in – literally and figuratively – I stopped.
As we continue the conversation about intimate relationships, today’s post is one that was published on one of my former blogs and, with some minor editing and updating, it is shared with you to explore another aspect of this topic.
The Chasing Game
“You have such long legs!” people would often remark to me when I was a child. The usual follow up would be, “Do you run, do track and field in school?”
“No I do not and I wish you all would stop asking me that!” is what the voice in my head responded. However a meek, “No,” emanated from my lips because I was too scared they would slap me if I were to let my inside voice out.
I am a tall woman. Not Michelle Obama kind of tall but I do fair justice to height. My daughter, standing at 5′ 11″ does an even better job and, yes, she got the same question growing up.
Maybe it was guilt or pressure to use my assumed talent for running why I did take to a different kind of athleticism.
I chased people, education, some things and even jobs.
Usain Bolt had nothing on me, particularly when it came to chasing relationships. Platonic or intimate, it mattered not. Starved as I was for the feeling of belonging, friendship and relationship, marathons were my specialty. Then, I also took “butt-licking” and doormat skills to greater heights! I was the best.
The challenge, however, was the sassiness that is an inherent part of my personality. I am a thinker, a very independent woman and a go-getter, taking whatever risk necessary. The latter supported my brand of athleticism and licking/mat skills but my mind in tandem with the still small voice often contradicted my behaviour.
Trouble would soon follow.
My friendships and relationships would eventually fall apart. My tongue became too engaged with sharing my views. As people departed from my life, my tenure on a much-chased job abruptly ended or I lost or had an item repossessed, it dawned on me that things were really, really not going the way I hoped.
Use Wisdom To End The Chasing
Years would pass before several truism would be revealed, taught and then walked by me. I came to them mainly through the spiritual organization that I was a member of but most were taught to me through my lived experiences.
I offer a few to you today. If we are to break the ties, thread or chains binding us to a way of life that is no longer working for any of us, these additional bits of wisdom can help:
- “You become what you are be-ing.” That sounds strange, wrong, stupid even but truth be told many live unconsciously and unintentionally. As you continue being a doormat, a marathon runner or an a**-kisser in certain relationships or say on the job, you transform into that in every aspect of your life. We simply cannot box off sections of our lives, thinking one will not seep into the other.
- “Whatever you chase will run away.” Whether it is friendship, relationship or money, they and it will run away, eluding you. This has been one of the most challenging lessons for me. I got it on the friendship easily enough and my ability to wish people goodbye heightened. It took me great financial ‘losses’ to absorb the same lesson about money and jobs.
- Where it concerns intimate relationships, the jury is still out on that one in my case. Regular readers know that I am no “relationship expert,” and look to those who are. One such wrote this: “The most powerful thing you can do is turn away from the person you are chasing and provoke in them the response you are looking for…for them to notice you.” Dr. Sherrie Campbell
What I know is that when you stop the chasing, take a seat when it comes to certain friendships, jobs, money and ‘opportunities’, you will spare yourself a lot of grief. Paradoxically, and in my case, the friendships that I do have now are so life-enhancing and my financial resources and employment gets better every day once I stopped chasing after them.
There is much more on this that I am more than happy to share them with you. Sign-up and join our community and get Weekday Wisdom© as well as my monthly FREE newsletter where many more thoughts, insights and conversations on issues that will help you lead a more meaningful and purpose-filled life. In the meanwhile, check the races you are running today; see where you are being a chaser, a doormat or busy licking butts and decide if that is truly serving you.
Have fun no matter what because life is supposed to feel good! Yes it is!