When We Were Young
Are you living the life you consciously created? When we were young we were told that we could be anything we wanted if we just worked hard enough. I believed that probably more than anyone and held on to that illusion desperately for longer than I should.
My first big dream was to be an archaeologist. I would dig in the sands of the Sahara, uncovering the secrets of ancient Egypt. Even now my heart skips a beat just thinking about that life. I wanted it bad, actually I still want it. But I gave up on that pipe dream a long time ago. It was too hard to accomplish. Even with the passion and intelligence that God gave me, I still could not do it. It is incredibly hard to get into.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and I can remember countless times asking God to do what is best with my applications. So this must be his best. I must be living it now if I can hold that thought. Sometimes I think about the future and it is a gray haze. Sometimes, I feel certain that I will find my way through the uncertainty and find something that I am good at, that I love, and that I can make a living with. I am still straining my mental vision to see what that is. Perhaps it is writing… maybe I can touch people with my imagination and empathy through written words. Maybe it will be something I never thought of before. All I know is that I am meant for something. Maybe not something great in the eyes of the world, but something great to me.
Living Through The Uncertainty
I am lucky though. I have a very supportive husband who continues to encourage me. He constantly reassures me that I will find it. The thing I am meant to do. He is giving me the time and space to find that. So I want to give that to you. If you are in a similar situation, please take a moment to feel the pain of letting go. It is hard, and you might have to do that every day until you find the next path.
But forgive yourself for whatever negative feelings you have towards yourself. If you are like me, those feelings are shame and failure. Feel it then let it go and know that even if you took a tumble, you can still stand up again. You can find your purpose just like I will find mine. Ask for advice and suggestions from the people who know you best. My husband and friends have been very helpful and encouraging through this and yours will be too.
Changing visions can be awful. Honestly, they should be if you really had your heart invested. But it also teaches us. So learn as much as you can and be gentle with yourself and, when you are ready, take the next step and devote yourself to the next dream. Just do not do it blindly. Look at every angle. Ask yourself these questions about each:
- Will it make me happy?
- Can I live off of the income?
- Does it fit in with the rest of my life goals?
- Can I realistically plan to get to the finish line?
The truth is, in my view, we cannot be whatever we want. I know, it sucks! But we can find a purpose that fulfills us.
Alexis Ali, is our short story writer and go to woman on just about any topic having to do with life, love, changes – her Best of The Year post in 2015 was Adele’s Pattern: Journey To Redemption. It shone a very bright light on parental abuse, perpetuated by mothers. With every post, Alexis take readers on a stroll along the rocky path of single parenting, stress management, personal choices, domestic violence against children and healing. This is her first post of 2016 and she is welcomed back as a Contributor with us for another exciting and interesting rest of the year.
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