There’s Distance Between Us, Great!

Loving From Afar

Youth is truly overrated.

distanceNo, not saying that because an 18 year old thinks that I am over the hill. When I was 18 it was my firm belief that 30 was the ‘pensionable’ age. Living beyond that seemed pointless to me. That was until Life happened and taught me many blessons, including the fact that long distance relationships are perfect for me.

Up until my 35th or so year, it was my constant cry that “I can’t do long distance relationships!” Tried it at least twice and they ended in abject failure. The first one, my ‘partner’ stopped writing (no cell phones back then for texting) and the next thing I heard, he got married to a Canadian woman. The second one was damaged by my infidelity. Not my most proud moment but I believe in keeping things real hence I am sharing. I got an opportunity to work outside of Jamaica and a year after being away from home temptation came visiting.

Long Distance Relationships Are Like Gardens

Maintaining the health of any relationship requires constant attention.

As any good gardener will tell you, to get those lovely blooms, they have to fertilize, prune, weed and water their plants among other things. A relationship that transitions from being in the same city, if not house, requires just as much tending. Should one partner have to move for whatever reason, a more intense degree of tending becomes necessary.

distanceThose relationships that started with distance between them, with the help of the Internet, the partners have to use master-gardening techniques! Translated into relationship terms, the horticultural practices of an expert gardener teach us that for long distance relationships to thrive you have to:

  1. Select good soil – you and the intended must be ready for a committed relationship of a challenging kind.
  2. Plant ‘good’ seeds – that would be trust and it must be built from honest and open communication.
  3. Tend – as the seeds are germinating, every effort must be made to ‘water’ properly and according to the need of the particular seed. Example, once in the throes of a budding long distance relationship,the target of my affections and I lived thousands of miles apart and in different time zones. After many late nights and early mornings, we had to finally come to the understanding that our ‘watering’ was not right and adjusted our contact hours and methods.
  4. Fertilize – too much or too late will kill the plant (relationship). Find the right blend and apply according to instructions. Your partner is the primary source of those instructions so stop listening to friends and family and hear what your partner is trying to tell you.
  5. Prune – cut back on what is preventing or has the potential to retard growth. As well, deal with your individual insecurities and do not allow them to suffocate your plant.
READ  5 Affirmations For Intersecting Lives

Absence Might Not Make The Heart Fonder

Those are just some of what we can learn from gardening to help grow and keep up with a long distance relationship. Another important activity that must be mentioned is ‘Presence’.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder but presence makes for some wonderful love-making. What? It is the truth! Phone sex just does not compare! Make the time, budget wisely and buy into a frequent flyer/rider/rental car programme – and get there as often as you can!


heartThis post was first published in Love Month (February) two years ago. Since then, my expertise, if you might call it that, with relationships particularly those of a distant kind has further improved. Truth be told, now at 51 years old, I prefer these kinds of relationships as they give me the space that I need to thrive – just as some plants will not bloom if watered too often.

Are you or have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Share your story with our readers in the comments below. Feel free to include a link to your blog if you are a writer.

Do join this community of people, mainly women, on a practical journey along life’s road. Sign-up and receive one daily email update of our posts, as well as my monthly newsletter, KB Life. Looking forward to you being among us!

Namaste

Claudette P. Esterine
Claudette

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43 thoughts on “There’s Distance Between Us, Great!

  1. Long distance relationships are hard but there is nothing saying they can’t work out! I have a couple friends who have been dating long distance for over 4 years because of their Jobs and they are still together and happy!

    1. Ms Claudette

      I would certainly not agree with anyone who says they cannot work as they can and do. πŸ™‚

  2. I agree that relationships do need attention but I also believe that long distance relationships can work, as long as you work at them. My husband was in the forces and therefore I did not see him for long periods of time when he was away active duty and we couldn’t always talk but we still managed to do things that surprised each other.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I agree with you. Just about any relationship can work for as long as both people in it are growing and happy.

  3. I have had a few short lived long distance relationships. Thanks for your eye opening knowledgeable tips for having such a relationship.
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    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, some of us have had a few – and like marriages and every other type of relationships, some work, some do not. Thanks for the invite to visit your blog Angie! πŸ™‚

  4. I had been to LDR before, I invested a lot of time and didn’t get what I deserve. Good thing in it you get to know the world of LDR and next you be cautious in dealing with other people specially romantic side of it. πŸ˜€

    1. Ms Claudette

      Long distance relationships aren’t for everyone. That’s the truth and so, if they do not work for you, leave them alone. Thanks for sharing your experience. πŸ™‚

  5. I actually have been in a long distance relationship and it worked out so well. I’d do it again!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Good for you! Thanks for giving some of us hope, Jaime! πŸ™‚

  6. Eileen xo

    I love this post I am one who believes in long distance relationships. I have known my husband since childhood. I moved away for business and we kept our relationship. Then after we married, he travelled always! 27 years and 4 kids later…still together. It doesn’t work for everyone, but we still have lots of laughs!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Good for you guys! Congratulations. I have no regret in life but if I had to do it over – I think that would be my approach as well. I really love having some space. Thanks for sharing that Eileen. πŸ™‚

  7. I have never been in a long distance relationship, but I know someone who’s in it. Both of them are working very hard for it and they travel whenever they can to visit one another.

    1. Ms Claudette

      That’s one of the essentials in helping these types of relationships – making time to see each other. πŸ™‚

  8. I don’t really support long distance relationships because I think it’s a way of not letting go and enjoy new things in life. But that’s just me I think your insights are great and might help a lot of people going trough this hard process

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, we all have our preferences and have to honour them. Thanks for the visit Amy! πŸ™‚

  9. No one’s ever said that long distance relationships are easy,but I think it’s important to establish and maintain an emotional connection as often as you can by trying to do even little things that let the other person know that you care and love. If that person is your destiny everything will be ok!

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are right – they are not easy and I doubt anyone would thinks so. πŸ™‚

  10. LOL…great minds really think alike. I was getting ready to do a post on this and I had to smile when I saw your post. I have been in a long distance relationship and I can tell you that both parties have to want this to work. Technology has made it easier to survive this kind of relationship. We used every available avenue to keep in touch and we made sure to touch base every day (sometimes a few times per day). It did not have to be anything earth shattering…sometimes it is just pssst and that is fine. The thing about long distance relationships there needs to be an end date or people will get weary from it. We had a plan and an end date in mind so that kept us going.
    We survived and are now in the same zip code!

    1. Ms Claudette

      We are truly in sync! I am happy for your both being in the same zip code! πŸ™‚

        1. Ms Claudette

          Sweet! πŸ™‚

  11. Laurie

    I’ve never been in a healthy long distance relationship. for me it turned out that the other person lied about a lot of thinfs

  12. Never been in that situation. Getting ready in case my husband is going or travel somewhere far.

  13. Elizabeth O.

    It’s not secret how difficult it is to maintain a long distance relationship. And I admire people who are able to survive it. The message that you have here is lovely. Like in any relationship you have to work hard, it’s just that when you’re away, you need to work extra hard.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Exactly! You have to “work” harder at everything – communicating via email and text messages for example is one as things are oftentimes misunderstood in these types of communication. Thanks for sharing that Elizabeth.

  14. I was in a long distance relationship that started in college. we lived in the same area for eight months and stayed together for a year and a half when i moved to the other side of the country. unfortunately, other things began to take priority and our lack of communication broke the relationship. I know in the future I will be in more long distance relationships due to traveling for acting jobs but I to some extent i too like the space. of course, not getting to see my boyfriend for three months at a time was a bit too much space

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, three months might be a little long for some…that’s why I suggested planning travelling time to your schedule. Thanks for sharing Michelle. πŸ™‚

  15. Long distance relationships have their perks and their drawbacks. This is a great post

    1. Ms Claudette

      They most certainly do! πŸ™‚

  16. I experienced long distance relationship for 3 years but didn’t work out. We supposed to get married but sadly, we both realized that we are not ready to marry each other. We broke up and head on to our lives. After 2 years, I met my husband and now we have simple life with our baby boy. πŸ™‚ http://www.mommyrockininstyle.com

    1. Ms Claudette

      Isn’t live just grand? There are truly no accidents, at least that is my belief Thanks for sharing that Mhaan and for the visit. πŸ™‚

  17. It can be hard. I hate when my husband travels, I miss him so much but that old saying is true absence makes the heart grow fonder.

    1. Ms Claudette

      It gives you something to look forward to, right Nicole, the absence?

  18. Its true sometimes the heart does not grow fonder in absence. In fact with some friends the more I spend time away the more I re-evaluate our friendship x

    1. Ms Claudette

      I know that feeling Ana! The more space between you and some people you realise how they impact your space.

  19. My son and fiance have a long distance relationship that works out just great. I just hope once they are married it stays good.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Funny you should say that as I know several couples who did better apart than living under the same roof. Let us keep our fingers crossed for your son.

  20. I have personally never been in a long distance relationship but I can imagine it is really quite difficult and your view on it is great and would be super helpful to people in long distance relationships. Great perspective on it.

    1. Ms Claudette

      It comes from years of experience in and out of all kinds of relationship! LOL. Thanks for dropping by. πŸ™‚

  21. Good points! I’ve never been in a long distance relationship and I don’t think I could do it unless we were separated after being together for some time. I commend couples that do though and “survive” it!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, they are special breed those who thrive in long distance relationships as it really takes more effort for some.

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