Ending The Sexualised Lifestyle

Make A Choice

sexualisedThere are times in life when you have to make choices based on what some call principle. Personally, I prefer to describe such decisions as life-choices. Over the years, on a very personal level, I have had to make such decisions and the one that comes to mind today has to do with the sexualised lifestyle.

Almost 11 years ago, on January 28, 2005, I wrote a post on my first ever blog about such a life-choice – having to do with whether to stay on a job to pay my bills or leave and help keep the integrity of all women. It was not a decision made from some noble place of my heart, nor was it made because I am a prude or some moralizing fanatic. I simply decided not to facilitate the objectification of women as one small step to keep my personal integrity and that of my daughter and to do my part to end this type of abuse against women. It is something that I continue to do, even in small measure, through this blog as demonstrated when we did the series last year on the sex trade and trafficking.

Each of us, men and women alike, has that power. All it requires is a commitment to doing your small part in your small corner. If each of us out of concern for our daughters, wives, sisters, neighbours and lovers took persistent action, there would be a movement, a change in attitude. By taking one first step and continually renewing our commitment to full equality, women will eventually win their rightful and respectful place in societies across the world. The sexualised existence that too many women continue to endure would be abated.

The Sexualised Womanhood

This might not happen in your or my lifetime but this cannot deter us from trying. Truth is we cannot afford to pretend that the sexual objectification of women is not expanding and even exploding, carrying with it children especially those in difficult circumstances. The media reports an increase in the numbers of women and children being trafficked across borders for the sex trade as our Contributor shared in her post last year. The cold truth is, if there was not a demand, especially in North America, the trade would have dried up. Just like the porn industry for example and sites like porn-hd.xxx – without the demand of so many males and females enjoying adult entertainment, it would have died out long ago.

My original post 11 years ago, was not a call to start a religious or moralistic war against people who want to have their “fun.” Sex is a beautiful thing, an act to be encouraged and cherished between two consenting adult partners. My urging then and now is for you to be a part of the solution and help women and children around the globe, who are continuously exploited for the “fun” of a few. I invited readers then and do the same with you today, to consider these quotes from world religious and spiritual texts about love and then see how you can effect personal and communal change to women’s “Sexualised Existence:”

“Violating and misusing love is the greatest of all crimes. Abusing love is a greater crime than cutting the universal root of life (murder).” Sun Myung Moon, 3-20-77

“A wise man has nothing to do with lust. Lust is nothing but death, and lack of it is serenity. How can one who perceives this indulge in wanton behaviour?” Acarangastura 2.61 (Jainism)

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“. . . That each one of you knows how to control your own body in holiness and honour, not with lustful passion . . .” 1 Thessalonians 4: 4 – 5

No Issues With Sex

Make no mistake I love sex just as much as anyone else does, especially women from websites like tube videos hd, they love it! The issues I have has very little to do with the act itself which I consider to be the most intimate form of expression of love. Through sex and therefore through our bodies we share at the most intimate level who we are. I remember attending a workshop and the facilitator saying to us that through the sexual act we share our consciousness, therefore we should take care what we allow into the core of our being. This was an awesome revelation for me, though I was about 30 years old at the time and had gone around the block a few times.

sleepGoing back to 2005 and that part-time job that I left, a co-worker had asked me, while slowly turning the pages of a glossy magazines, why publishers feel a need to tell people how to achieve an orgasm. Though she found my response that many women have never had an orgasm hard to believe, her comeback was, “And so what if they don’t?” While I do not believe that every sexual act must culminate in this fashion, I do think that it is important. Men can get a Prince Albert piercing, for example, to add extra stimulation into sex (you can read a guide from lustplugs.com about the Prince Albert here). This not only makes it better for the man, but also for the woman and would aid her in reaching an orgasm. I think it is a telling tale that many women never had the experience. My unqualified explanation to my then co-worker was that sex had lost its real meaning and has become another trick in the trade. The trade being the pretense that our intimate lives and relationships are meaningful and life enhancing.

Many women still exist under the notion that their bodies are “means of production” – of children and sexual machines for men, while others, sadly, regard their bodies as a “means to an end.” In my youthful days, some girls were admonished to “keep yourself pure” for a husband as the primary purpose of their existence. Others, and I include myself in this latter group, were taught that men only wanted one thing from women and, knowing this, we must exact as much as we can from them in return. These days many women enjoy a Flawless fuck tube experience at fuckedtube xxx because their bodies are their own to enjoy.

successful womanWhichever school of thought one evolved from, the bottom line was men ruled (and continue to do so to this day). This meant that the female body is primarily for the sexual pleasure and/or appeasement of men (gods). Little has changed in this sexual power structure even with the academic and professional progress women have made. Dressed in a business suit or bikini, the female body is still an object to be ravished not savored. This is clear in pornographic magazines and movies, on the Internet and even on the sides of buses.

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Never before did I appreciate the connection between female orgasm, respect of the female body and the sexualised existence of many women until my former co-worker posed the question about glossy magazines. Then I understood that as long as the female body is viewed as a means to an end, to satisfy lust, women would never be respected as equal human beings. In the absence of deep respect, love and cherishing by a man who wants to share his whole self the, sexual act will be to the detriment of the woman and that act will be unfulfilling. This is what Sun Myung Moon rightly describes as “the greatest of all crimes” and murder.

What Will You Do?

I left my part-time job back then largely because I did not want to be selling pornographic magazines that help to perpetuate the notion that women are sexual objects. I did not wish, even in a small and obscure way, to promote the sexualised existence of women. The sex for sale in pornographic magazines while offering temporary release of “lustful passion,” is not my idea of sacred sex. To be an indirect link in the distribution of pornography would undermine not only my sacredness but that of women everywhere. Any action, whether professional, religious or academic, that belies the truth about the female body, minimizing our God-given form to something to be mindlessly pounded over or used is not my idea of equality and dignity.

magazinePretension at holiness is not something that I do. However, the decision to leave a job, one that I would make again – 11 years later, even one that is indirectly part of the sex trade, trafficking women and children across the globe for the sexual fantasy and violation of men, is not honouring my journey.

This might be the most “spiritual” post that I have shared on this blog to date but the sexualised existence and sexualisation of girls in particular is a hot button issue with me. I could not sell my sisters across the world, my daughter or myself for any amount of money, fame or fortune. My action was not earth-shattering but it was an essential part of sharing my consciousness through my work and my sexuality. My thought then was, “another job will come along.”

What will you do?

Closing out this post with an invitation for you to subscribe and join this community of women-lifting writers, coaches, teachers and friends. When you sign up, you will receive my monthly newsletter as well as affirmation poster. If you are seeking a mission statement for your year, what about this one, it is a reprint of a prayer that was included in that original post of 2005:

Wake me up from my slumber dear Divine.
How can I sleep when others are aching?
Strengthen me to make a change,
In a world where pain dominates.

Uplift me so that I can make a difference.
How can I be oblivious when others hunger?
Order my steps to help another,
In a world where suffering endures.

Enliven me as I walk this path.
How can I be feeble when others are smarting?
Silence my fears as I do your will,
In a world where injustice prevails.

Humble me as I serve my sisters.
How can I rejoice when my brothers are struggling?
Heal my wounds so I carry the message,
In a world where love seems misplaced.

Have a blessed day!

Claudette P. Esterine

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28 thoughts on “Ending The Sexualised Lifestyle

  1. “Then I understood that as long as the female body is viewed as a means to an end, to satisfy lust, women would never be respected as equal human beings.” That really struck me because i know all to well how much of a reality this is. i am proud of you for choosing to leave the magazine

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you Michelle. I didn’t think it was an option to stay. πŸ™‚

  2. I’m proud of you that you are standing up for women, keep up the good work!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you and I know you are doing the same in your own way as well. πŸ™‚

  3. I am glad that your site is encouraging dialog on this subject. I agree there is something we all can do whether big or small. For the sake of our daughters we should all try to come together and do our part.

    1. Ms Claudette

      For the sake of our daughters we must! Thanks for visiting Chanelle! πŸ™‚

  4. I am so glad that you stood up for this. I hate it when women are treated like that.

    1. Ms Claudette

      It is demoralizing and we have to stand together.

  5. This is a really interesting article Claudette. Sexualization of women is everywhere. I’ve found that I’ve rarely had a job where I was not directly or indirectly asked to use my sexuality as some sort of tool – mainly when I was bartending. I think your comment about the fact that it is “exploding” is absolutely true and the stand you are taking is a good one. If I ever have a daughter, I don’t want her to have to go through some of the experiences I’ve had and be looked at only as a sex symbol.

  6. Elizabeth O.

    I don’t think this is a business that will die any time soon. It’s good to know that there are people like you who are standing up to it, though.

    1. Ms Claudette

      If we all took a stand, even a silent one, we will gradually erode it.

  7. I love that your standing upfor this, but hate that it’s still going on.

  8. I’m happy you took a stance and equally as important challenge others to do the same. Bravo to you!

    As for myself I have to give more thought as to what I personally will do for this cause/change, something to think about here in the new year.

    1. Ms Claudette

      It is indeed something to think about and any action to facilitate change will help if we each do something. Thanks for that! πŸ™‚

  9. abccreativelearning

    I feel the same, that as long as others are making money it’s something that still be exposed. We just need to make sure to take a stand and even at this time of age I still see it as a never ending battle!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Even if it as simple as writing a blog post, a letter to a local newspaper or speaking to your church group – it is our duty to speak up.

  10. Claidette this was such a fantastic post, I agree that women are often treated like a mode of production or baby making factory designed to pro-create but I definitely think that the situation is a lot better than it used to be. Magazines can be both instrumental and limiting to a woman’s identity.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank Ana! Don’t get me wrong, I do believe we have made great strides. However, it does seem as if the beast – men’s ego and their …. have grown another head and we women continue to pay the price! πŸ™

  11. Sometimes I am so annoyed with this that tears sting my eyes. Just last night I was asking myself what is wrong with these men when there were 2 on the news that they had caught who held some young ladies as sex slaves. As Liz says, as long as it brings in so much money, we will have that problem going on for a very long time. It will have to start with us as women, we have to recognize our worth and not fall into this having to be “sexy”.

    I agree with you about not being a part of championing this debacle…even if it is in a small way we should not be a part of it…directly or indirectly.

    1. Ms Claudette

      This whole rape culture and sex slave/trafficking issue seems to be getting worse than better – or is it that we have better reporting now? Whatever the case, my heart skips many beats when I think about my granddaughter!

      1. Claudette we have to think about sons and daughters these days. We have to educate our kids from early, start the conversation very early. Schools need to talk about it, churches need to talk about it and most definitely families need to talk about it

        1. Ms Claudette

          I agree and more than anywhere else, families need to talk about it!

  12. I am glad you stood up for this. I have boys and I teach them that ladies are to be respected.

  13. As long as it generates money, I feel like it will be a forever battle. That’s not say we shouldn’t fight against it, because we should. That’s pretty great that you took that kind of stand.

    1. Ms Claudette

      That’s the sad part – that we are sexualised for money and, not that it would be any consolation, we are not the ones pocketing the money!

  14. Robin Rue (@massholemommy)

    I don’t even understand how in 2016 stuff like this even still happens. Why are people standing for it.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I hear you and that is the big question!

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