How To Get Out Of A Dead End

No Through-way

dead endYes, you can climb over walls, jump over hurdles and crawl under some barriers. A dead-end, however, is a dead end. “Dead end: n.1.a. An end of a passage, especially a street, that affords no exit. b. A street or road affording no exit. 2. A situation or subject that allows for no progress or development. (Source: American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition.)

“An end of passage.” That is exactly where I found myself after returning to a situation that had already shown its true colours. Somewhat in a limbo while waiting to leave for Jamaica back in 2012, I decided to move from Alberta to Ontario and the family of someone with whom I was in a relationship invited me to stay at their home. Almost immediately, every offer of support, every agreement that we made about my stay was broken.  By this point, it was impossible to immediately pack up and move out, so I made excuses to myself. I hung onto the thought that it was my issues, my impatience or my unrealistic expectation that people would actually say what they really mean that were causing the problems. After several months of discomfort, liberties being taken, betrayal of trust and a display of lifestyle choices totally degrading to women, I packed and left.

Do Not Ignore The Dead End Signs!

That was not the end, however, as after six or so months, I returned to their home after being convinced that things would be different, apologies extended and a commitment given that there would be no repeat performance of the disgusting attitude and behaviour towards women. I was in limbo, at an economic disadvantage and not yet fully at peace with being alone. These are some of the reasons that cause blindness, deafness and general sensory malfunction to cues that loudly signals “This is a dead end!”

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dead endWe hope that things will change, he/she will change, the boss will change or maybe we will get accustomed to the fact that there will be no change. We try to accept and live with things as they are. There is a price for doing that, one that can cost everything that matters: self-respect, self-esteem, self-love and freedom. Thankfully in my case, all these traits had taken root in me. So despite the economic benefits of staying, I left and this time never looking back.

One very valuable lesson that this particular dead end reinforced for me was that I will always grow through anything and thrive. That is the “blesson” of a dead end.

While a dead end is a situation “that allows for no progress or development,” they are also growth points. Well, if you choose to make them so. Some people prefer the comfort of no development, stagnation. Sounds like madness to others, myself included, however some folks like the “habit” of what they know or have come to accept. When I come up to a dead end, my excitement level actually increases. Yes, I am one of the crazies who have come to love change.

A dead-end can be a precious opportunity for change in:

  • Yourself
  • Circumstances
  • Choices (Career, lifestyle, etc)
  • Relationships (intimate, family and friendships)

Questions At A Dead End

dead endWe are still early into 2016 and many if not most of you would like this to be the best year of your life. It will not be if you stay stagnating in or are heading for a dead-end relationship, job, lifestyle, house/community even a country. So, here are some questions that you can ask yourself to decide if you are in a dead end situation or heading for one:

  1. What is my vision for my [fill in]?
  2. What do I value most in this (job, relationship)
  3. What am I most passionate about with this …..?
  4. What are my strengths in this ….?
  5. Is this … in alignment with and nurtures  my vision, values, passion and my strengths?
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The last question is where the buck either stops or increases in value. You get to decide. However, you will not be able to answer this question truthfully and therefore continue as you were or move yourself out of the dead end. You must know your vision for your life, the values leading you through it, what your passions are and what are your strengths to buffer any limitations you might be enduring at this point.

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As always, should you need help with any of these questions, feel free to contact me. You can also receive daily motivation and regular conversations in your inbox when you sign-up and join this community. Subscribers receive my FREE monthly newsletter, Weekday Wisdom and downloads of my E-books – all of these are available only to members of the community as published.

Enjoy the rest of the day and look out for dead ends!

Namaste

Claudette P. Esterine
Claudette

 

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36 thoughts on “How To Get Out Of A Dead End

  1. I am a big skeptic sometimes. I can’t figure out how to succeed at things, so things tend to always be a dead end for me. No excitement though, just a feeling of failure.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I am sorry to hear that that is your feeling Heather. 🙁 Success in my view is what you determine. It will look different for each of us and not what society dictates. It is challenging to get out of that box, but once you do it feels wonderful! Thanks for visiting and do keep coming back. 🙂

  2. how i wish i can do better in life, when it’s already dead end, we have to crawl up again to the top

    1. Ms Claudette

      That’s the key – to never give up and keep on crawling up!

  3. I am the kind pf person who can tolerate a lot, but once I hit the dead end, there is no turning back.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I am like that as well. I will hold on until such time and when that time comes, I am outta there!

  4. Thanks for sharing your personal experience. Like you said, a dead-end can be a good opportunity to make big changes. Recognizing that it’s time for those changes is important.

    1. Ms Claudette

      That’s the key – knowing when it is time to make those changes! Thanks for stopping by Jessica!

  5. i am so sorry that those people could not treat you better but that says a lot about your strength and character that you gave them the opportunity to try & change even though they didn’t. the list of questions to help figure out if you are at a dead end or heading towards one is great and hopefully will help people redirect in time

    1. Ms Claudette

      That is my hope as well, Michelle, that at least one other will be helped. Thanks for visiting again. 🙂

  6. When you’re constantly running into walls, it’s time to reevaluate things and turn the corner. There’s no value in stagnating.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Absolutely, positively none! 🙂

  7. dltolley

    Brilliant! We adapt and adapt and adapt and don’t see the dead end till we smack right into it. That last question definitely needs to be placed on a billboard somewhere!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Exactly! We adapt so much that we no longer know our own head from tail! 🙂 Thanks Diane!

  8. This is very inspiring and kind of goes with what I was dealing with last year. It does require us to ask ourselves what is right in our face that we don’t want to see. It can be difficult to let go of what we are comfortable with and conquer our fears to walk in the unknown path.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Habit – a thought or behaviour that we keep repeating. It is so hard to get off that spinning wheel but we must if we are to grow. All the best with that Victoria. 🙂

  9. giving a person dominion over you only leads to pain and suffering. being boxed into a bad situation after being fooled can be awful. i see you finally made up your mind to get away.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Long time ago – and have been out, long time ago, Tony! 🙂

  10. lexie lane

    The lesson for this word “dead end.” not going back again to the past time that can be never happen it again: Just take a time a hardship for better one in mean time.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Indeed, Lexie, indeed. 🙂

  11. Nicole Escat

    I’ve experienced with dead ends. And it’s in my job before, I realized that it’s good to not ignore dead ends.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I most certainly agree with you Nicole. 🙂

  12. I’ve definitely had my experience with dead ends. Especially with jobs. I find that it’s best to keep your head up and keep trying to look for something better in the mean time.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, I agree. Remaining open to a new/better way of being, whether it is in the same job or looking for a new one is the besrt way to quit a dead end. Thanks for sharing Amber. 🙂

  13. Sometimes its good not to jump out of a dead end situation. Its good to be certain that the door is close and you have done your best to save the relationship. For once you have closed the door and moved on there should be no going back.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Very true because as they say, haste make waste. However, I don’t consider leaving before the “undertakers” get there as jumping out. 🙂

  14. Elizabeth O.

    Thanks for the inspiring post. Most people, including me, would look at a dead end as a hopeless situation and would jut drop it or stop thinking about what you can do. I realized that it could definitely be a learning point. Like you, I also hoped for the best, that people will change, I have also gone through the process of blaming myself. But all of these are just part of the bigger lesson we’re about to learn once we get to the end.

  15. Dead end relationship, and friendships does not agree with me. I use to tolerate a lot from people. I do not like cursing and name calling disgrace. So I learn and master the skill of knowing when to walk away. This has work for me in my personal and work life. I do not tolerate the petty. I had to learn to love myself to know the difference. .

  16. “Blesson” today I learn a new word I assume it means Blessing/Lesson.
    Okay I like to chime in that a dead end can also be dangerous. In that you are now backed into a corner “in your mind.” Most people that hang onto dead end anything also feel trapped, and scared to turn round…just in case its not a dead end, its a box…! yet even a box has a lid to climb out of.

    That said I have always been the kind that stays for as long as I am needed, then I am off. BUT i have over stayed in some situations and that I regretted after. I am glad you are over this situation Claudette!

  17. As you may have surmised….dead ends and I do not mix, we are like oil and water. I do not have that kind of time so if it is dead then it goes into the trash and out the door. I don’t have any wool over my eyes at all…as a male said to me “you always seem to have your running shoes on”. YES I have them on at all times as well as my exercise shoes and water bottle. So if it is a job, I find a new one. If it is a man, I move right along. I sashay out of there in my highest heel and close fitting pencil skirt. I do not have time for it….LOLROTF…

  18. very much true sometimes we either don’t want to see we hit a dead end or like you say we adapt thanks for opening our eyes

    1. Ms Claudette

      Just passing on the message Angie. 🙂

  19. This is good advice. I’ll be sure to look out for dead ends.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Keep your eyes on the road! 🙂

  20. Robin Rue (@massholemommy)

    I have been in many of those situations, but as soon as I left, better things happened.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Is it not funny how life works that way? 🙂

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