Yes, you can climb over walls, jump over hurdles and crawl under some barriers. A dead-end, however, is a dead end. “Dead end: n.1.a. An end of a passage, especially a street, that affords no exit. b. A street or road affording no exit. 2. A situation or subject that allows for no progress or development. (Source: American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition.)
“An end of passage.” That is exactly where I found myself after returning to a situation that had already shown its true colours. Somewhat in a limbo while waiting to leave for Jamaica back in 2012, I decided to move from Alberta to Ontario and the family of someone with whom I was in a relationship invited me to stay at their home. Almost immediately, every offer of support, every agreement that we made about my stay was broken. By this point, it was impossible to immediately pack up and move out, so I made excuses to myself. I hung onto the thought that it was my issues, my impatience or my unrealistic expectation that people would actually say what they really mean that were causing the problems. After several months of discomfort, liberties being taken, betrayal of trust and a display of lifestyle choices totally degrading to women, I packed and left.
Do Not Ignore The Dead End Signs!
That was not the end, however, as after six or so months, I returned to their home after being convinced that things would be different, apologies extended and a commitment given that there would be no repeat performance of the disgusting attitude and behaviour towards women. I was in limbo, at an economic disadvantage and not yet fully at peace with being alone. These are some of the reasons that cause blindness, deafness and general sensory malfunction to cues that loudly signals “This is a dead end!”
We hope that things will change, he/she will change, the boss will change or maybe we will get accustomed to the fact that there will be no change. We try to accept and live with things as they are. There is a price for doing that, one that can cost everything that matters: self-respect, self-esteem, self-love and freedom. Thankfully in my case, all these traits had taken root in me. So despite the economic benefits of staying, I left and this time never looking back.
One very valuable lesson that this particular dead end reinforced for me was that I will always grow through anything and thrive. That is the “blesson” of a dead end.
While a dead end is a situation “that allows for no progress or development,” they are also growth points. Well, if you choose to make them so. Some people prefer the comfort of no development, stagnation. Sounds like madness to others, myself included, however some folks like the “habit” of what they know or have come to accept. When I come up to a dead end, my excitement level actually increases. Yes, I am one of the crazies who have come to love change.
A dead-end can be a precious opportunity for change in:
- Choices (Career, lifestyle, etc)
- Relationships (intimate, family and friendships)
Questions At A Dead End
We are still early into 2016 and many if not most of you would like this to be the best year of your life. It will not be if you stay stagnating in or are heading for a dead-end relationship, job, lifestyle, house/community even a country. So, here are some questions that you can ask yourself to decide if you are in a dead end situation or heading for one:
- What is my vision for my [fill in]?
- What do I value most in this (job, relationship)
- What am I most passionate about with this …..?
- What are my strengths in this ….?
- Is this … in alignment with and nurtures my vision, values, passion and my strengths?
The last question is where the buck either stops or increases in value. You get to decide. However, you will not be able to answer this question truthfully and therefore continue as you were or move yourself out of the dead end. You must know your vision for your life, the values leading you through it, what your passions are and what are your strengths to buffer any limitations you might be enduring at this point.
As always, should you need help with any of these questions, feel free to contact me. You can also receive daily motivation and regular conversations in your inbox when you sign-up and join this community. Subscribers receive my FREE monthly newsletter, Weekday Wisdom and downloads of my E-books – all of these are available only to members of the community as published.
Enjoy the rest of the day and look out for dead ends!