50, Single And Loving Life!

Marriage? Shacking Up? Not Likely

 loving lifeYears ago, when my longest long-term relationship ended abruptly I wanted my life to do the same. When it was not doing so of its own volition, I took matters into my own hands. Twice. Now, almost nine years later, I am single, almost 51 years old and loving life as never before.

In the time since, marriage and other relationships visited with me but briefly. It seems as if something not only broke within me but another started growing, taking root so to speak. Do not misunderstand, my most recent ex-husband is someone who had my affection and it was my feeling that we could have made something of it. However, coupled with my not completely healing, not only from the breakup but there were issues that marred my psyche and spirit since childhood. Then there were other challenges that were not settled in me about man/woman relating. He too had his own set of challenges that were holding him back from truly loving life as it had unfold for him, leading him to alcoholism, mental health issues and not being too sure what to do with his temper and hands, aside from laying them on a woman.

After the marriage ended, other relationships came but none that lead to living together and I was perfectly fine with that. In actuality, as time passed and as I grew increasingly more comfortable with living alone, it is a conversation that I cannot contemplate. There was a time in my youth when the thought of a long distance relationship would bring me to tears. Now, the thought of living with someone would send me running to the hills. I hear all of you who are married or have been successfully, whatever that means to you, living with someone saying, “relationships take work, etc.” Working hard at anything is not an issue for me. Working in vain, against my better judgement, trying to force what is “not meant to be” to be is not an activity that inspires me.

Loving Life Single

loving lifeI love being single. It is not just something that sounds nice to say or in this case write. It is a truth for me. Recently, one of our Contributors shared an article, Discover The Joys of Being A Single Woman. This piece was more geared towards woman 30 years and younger. While I can completely relate to most of it, this post is for women 50 and older who are single and not so sure whether they are loving life as it is at this point.

A recent comment on one of our posts stated that in the blogosphere many bloggers are not being true to themselves and therefore, in my estimation, they are not being real with their audiences. One thing you can rely on me for, and I dare to say just about all the Contributors here, are frank and honest conversations. When it comes to being single and loving life, what follows are my honest reasons why I love being single. Some of them you will not agree with, some you might find as “too much information,” and others you will see yourself completely in as if a mirror was being held up to your face. Some are self-explanatory so the ones that are not so much I will detail:

  • The “C” word is one that I abhor, will no longer accept hearing and most certainly will not suggest it about anyone. A few days ago on Facebook, I saw this clip of an interview with the late Eartha Kitt and in her enigmatically wise way she described my feelings about the “C” word. “Why should you compromise who you are because you are in a relationship?” she basically asked.Β  Funny enough, it is the woman who is usually expected to put on hold, put aside, lay away aspects of who she is – the person to whom the man was attracted to in the first place and then decided to live with – for the sake of the relationship. At 20, 30 even 40 years of age, I compromised so many parts of me, including my career ambitions (I wanted to be a politician), in order to be in a relationship, keep and help my mate. At 50, the only “C” word crossing my lips is “Complementary.” If we are not complementing each other’s intrinsic person-hood, then no thank you, I am not interested.
  • toiletLate night or early morning unexpected dunking is not something that I find enjoyable. My experience living with a man has been that this is an activity you have to either learn to love or always be ready to avoid. What I am talking about is falling into the toilet during mid-sleep walk, without your eyeglasses and in the dark, to ease yourself. As a single woman, this is not something that you have to contend with as the toilet seat is always down – except when cleaning.
  • Bad sex. At 50, I know good sex from okay sex different from outright bad sex. Say whatever you like, pretend as much as you want, but sex is a very important part of relationships. It is not the most important but it is high up there and if it is only tolerable at best, then I would rather be single. Enough said.
  • Showering is optional when single. Before you start pinching your noses, I shower and do so very often. However, it can be an optional activity on those days when life is as such that all you want to do is stay in your pajamas all day, into evening and fall asleep right there on the couch with the television watching you – without explaining or apologizing.
  • My daughter and I are pretty close, sharing most things and details of our lives. We have our differences and some of them are quite amusing. One day we fell into an hysterical bout of laughter when she noticed my poor ‘gardening’ skills. She cautioned me that if I wanted to be in a relationship, I would need to sharpen my blades and tend to the ‘bush’ that was threatening to overtake my property. See, there are times when I am just not in the mood or landscaping is the last thing on my mind and so my field gets a bit overgrown. As a single woman, that is no big deal but, as my daughter said, intimate partners these days, thanks to the media and general hype, prefer a smooth landing ground. To heck with them!
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Five Reasons And More

prayingThese are just five of the many reasons why at 50 and single I am loving life no end and probably will not change my marital status or living arrangement. Other “important” factors that I could have included are things like being able to account for and manage my money (financial benefits), dressing for myself and according to personal taste and not to impress a suitor or to fit into a spouse’s mold and practicing, worshipping and maintaining my spiritual life according to my personal ideals without concern for or restrictions to accommodate differences between a mate’s ways. This last one is very important to me as my last longest long-term relationship took a nosedive when my spiritual life began in earnest and my partner’s stood still.

This past weekend I was doing the Netflix and chill routine, solo and without the complete chill – if you know what I mean. One of the movies that I watched was about a woman in her 70’s, widowed, living alone and loving life with her group of similarly single, older female friends. There might come a point in my life when that woman is me. After her sole companion, her dog of many years, died she was left in a quandary, unsure what next. She met two men, one younger and one closer to her age. Without giving away too much as I would invite you to watch it, she came to a point when she had to decide whether to sell her house, join her friends and move into a retirement community or continue loving life and living it on her terms. The movie is titled “I Will See You In My Dreams,” check it out:

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Until That Day…

If and when that day comes, my hope is that my decision, as all my decisions now to embrace and continue loving life as an almost 50+ single woman, will be to let my heart sing its songs as loudly as it does today. It might be different for you as you might be married or living with someone and have them “trained” to put down the toilet seat and you have impeccable ‘gardening’ skills. Then this post is not for you. For everyone else who understands that turning 50 or more is not a reason to compromise or settle, trade in or fear being single, please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Every Monday through Fridays, first thing in the mornings, Subscribers of all ages receive a Weekday Wisdom in their inbox that helps to ground us, supporting our embrace of life right where we are in it. Join this community and get your daily dose of wisdom, as well as my monthly free newsletter and access to my free E-books. Loving life is an option that is always open to us no matter whether married, in a relationship or single. It is important to remember that and not measure your life against anyone else’ because it looks different.

Have a blessed day!

Claudette P. Esterine
Claudette

 

 

 

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55 thoughts on “50, Single And Loving Life!

  1. […] no Valentine for a while now?” some of you are thinking. And you are absolutely right, I am both of that. Yet, those “conditions” will not cause me pain, distress or angst this […]

  2. Great post! What important is happiness. No matter single or married.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Could not agree more, Yonca! πŸ™‚

  3. I love being married and having a large family. It is the place that I am the best me. However, there are times when my husband is traveling and the kids at my parents that I get a chance to catch a movie alone or have a nice dinner with just me myself and I. I love those opportunities too. I hope to teach my kids to know themselves and be good enjoying their own company. That is when you truly have something to bring and offer if they so choose.

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are so right. Some people are made for marriage and make it work for them, others just are not. Having tried it – it is not for me. πŸ™‚

  4. […] towards women. I was in limbo, at an economic disadvantage and not yet fully at peace with being alone. These are some of the reasons that cause blindness, deafness and general sensory malfunction to […]

  5. Some people are afraid to be alone. I don’t know if I’d like it since i’ve been married for 20+ years. However, I think people should give it a try before jumping into yet another relationship. I’m glad you are happy with where you are in life. That’s good.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, thank you, I am extremely happy and you are very correct that some people just do not give themselves enough time to learn more about themselves before jumping into the next relationship. Thanks for your input! πŸ™‚

  6. Such a great post indeed, I think mom should read this lol. I’m gonna share this too.

    1. Ms Claudette

      LOL! Well, let me know what she thinks! πŸ™‚

  7. What is important is you are loving your life whether you are single or not.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Amen to that! πŸ™‚

  8. Eileen xo

    I am 50 and married for 26 years so It is hard for me to relate! However, I enjoy being an independant person and I like a little down time I have a few friends who recent;y ended relationships and they are enjoying their time.

    1. Ms Claudette

      We are all different – not everyone of us is made up for married life and not everyone can live the single life. The greatest think is to know what is your makeup. Thanks for sharing that Eileen! πŸ™‚

  9. bowen1960

    I’m in my 50s and have been married for over 30 of them. We work hard at being independent people, maturing together in a way that each complements the other. I do realise just how lucky I am. If I were single all the points you make would be valid reasons for wanting to stay that way.

    1. Ms Claudette

      My sincere best wishes to you and your hubby for a long and successful marriage! πŸ™‚

  10. I’m single and loving it. I am in a committed relationship but I will never marry again. I like the freedom of being single and making my own decisions.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I am like you on that, I will never marry again. They say you should never say never but I will never marry again. πŸ™‚

  11. I think it is important to feel confident and valued no matter what age you are. I am glad you are experiencing confidence and value at 50 and single. πŸ™‚

  12. Because... I'm cheap

    Sharing this for my 50+ friends πŸ™‚

    1. Ms Claudette

      Why thank you! πŸ™‚

  13. This is interesting and it seems as though you fell in love with being alone with yourself. I read somewhere that said, “if you can’t stand being alone with yourself, how do you expect someone else to love you or be around you.” deepest statement that helped me learn to love me.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, I have read that quote as well and it is spot on. I totally enjoy my own company. Yes, there are times when I would like to be in the company of others and when that happens I do that. Thanks for you comment Victoria! πŸ™‚

  14. I think being happy with someone even you’re in 50’s are good for yourself, this is great post.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thanks for the comment Lexie! πŸ™‚

  15. I love having a lazy day and not having to explain it. That would be a benefit for sure!!

    1. Ms Claudette

      It absolutely is Beth! Thanks for the visit. πŸ™‚

  16. victoria

    The important is you are happy being single. I have a friend they broke up with his husband last week she is really pained and hard for the situation i hope she accept and be happy as single.

    1. Ms Claudette

      A breakup can be one of the most challenging experiences, especially if you have focussed your all on that person. That is the lesson that I have learned – no-one, no-thing before me and what is sacred to me. Thanks for your comment Victoria. πŸ™‚

  17. There are a lot of people who knows what they want and perfectly content without. Don’t settle for less I wouldn’t the “C” words …Great article.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, Patrice you are correct! Thanks for sharing that! πŸ™‚

  18. i think being happy by yourself is so important before being happy in a relationship and some people just can’t be alone. however those of us who can i think live happier lives because we are not dependent on someone else to feel complete

    1. Ms Claudette

      Michelle, you hit the nail on the head! We are programmed to look externally for what really is within us. That is the root cause of the unhappiness, dissatisfaction, etc that we see in our world today. Thanks for dropping by! πŸ™‚

  19. It’s very important to be and feel happy.. I would rather be alone than with a wrong person

    1. Ms Claudette

      I could not agree with you more Rika! πŸ™‚

  20. You know I think at whatever stage or phase you are in life, you should love it. Of course we all go through heart aches, but we must move on and learn to love life as it is, whether you have someone to love, or you are enjoying all the perks of being single, life is to be lived and loved.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Amen Heather, Amen! πŸ™‚

  21. Elizabeth O.

    I don’t think you need anyone to be happy other than yourself. If someone comes along and wants to be happy with you then that’s great. I don’t believe that relationships, if they are meant to be, would take a lot of work. It should feel natural, not forced.

    1. Ms Claudette

      See, my take is this. We came up with this idea that there is only one relationship for each of us and do or die it must last for our lifetime. I just don’t buy into that anymore – and I am not promoting promiscuity. Thanks for your visit. πŸ™‚

  22. I am glad that you are happy being single. I think that is what matters, being happy and comfortable in what you do.

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are absolutely right – it is all that matters! Thanks for your comment and visit! πŸ™‚

  23. There is a lot to be said for not having to compromise WHO you are, what you like and who what you would like to do with your life. It’s nice to find yourself again, especially when you didn’t even know you’d lost it (speaking about myself in the latter). πŸ™‚

    1. Ms Claudette

      Oh Rosey, believe me I understand what you are saying! I didn’t know either that I wasn’t living my life until I got to age 43!!! All the best to you and continuing to meet Yourself. πŸ™‚

  24. I have always enjoyed my single life. I had things to do and places to see so I had/have no time to be pining after any relationships. My thing is if someone comes along that make you want to reconsider being single then that is all fine….but if nobody comes along then I will not be going into any relationship just because I want a warm body…Some warm bodies are corrosive so those are better left alone…LOLROTF..

    1. Ms Claudette

      I can always depend on your for an additional laugh! Girl, you are a riot but I could not agree with you more! πŸ™‚

      1. There is nothing worst than being in a space with someone that you don’t love. For the life of me I cannot understand women who just have a man just because they are afraid of being alone. I love my own company too much and if I am going to allow you into my space, then it must be very worthwhile….

        1. Ms Claudette

          “Very worthwhile,” indeed! πŸ™‚

  25. I find that its okay to be whatever the heck you want to be at whatever age. Whether 30 or 70 if one is single and loving life, male or female, then sod whatever anyone else thinks about your choices.

    I absolutely hate finding my toilet seat up…and my son has learnt to respect the women in the house. I Love to shower every blessed day but some days on a very rare occasion I will go to bed, sans a shower or bath…if he cant stand my natural aroma without artificial soaps…too bad. I am Married and loving it πŸ™‚

    Namaste~

    1. Ms Claudette

      Kudos to you and yours, Julie! As always, thanks for the visit and the comment!

  26. It is important to find happiness no matter what your circumstances. There are plenty of happy singles and happy married’s around πŸ™‚ It’s all about finding your place <3

    1. Ms Claudette

      Amen to that. And there are plenty of unhappy singles and unhappy married. It’s all about “finding your place” as you said. πŸ™‚

  27. I like when a person is comfortable being where they are. Right now you may be single and that is ok, we dont need a man to make us happy.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you Tara! I am glad because there is no changing me to fit into anyone’s mold – no matter who they think they are. Have a great day! πŸ™‚

  28. Robin Rue (@massholemommy)

    Even on pajama days, I still shower daily. Even back when I was single.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Well that’s wonderful for you Robin. Like I wrote, honesty and truth telling is my way. So, I do not shower on a day when I don’t feel like it. It is not often but it happens. πŸ™‚

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