High Maintenance Woman: Yes, I Am

When She Walks…

You know her. She walks into a room and most, if not all, heads turn to stare.

The whispers hum as she goes by each table. Some are sweet as honey but many are as poisonous as a snake’s venom.

“Oh, she’s here.”

“Who the heck does she think she is?”

“Diva, that’s what! A right snob!”

“High maintenance!”

High Maintenance Woman: Loved Or Hated But Never Ignored

The funny thing is, she is not necessarily the most beautiful flower God has planted on this Earth. There are women in that room who, if they stood next to her, would make her look like the twin sister of the ugly duckling. What differentiates her though, puts her a head above the rest, is her sense of self. And that is the very thing that gets her labelled “high maintenance” “bitch,” and names too distasteful to write here.

Just about every woman hate her and an equal amount of men want her. Not all.

Have you ever been on a date, maybe a couple, and the person never calls you again? Ever had a relationship end and the person ending it told you that you are “too high maintenance?” What exactly did they mean?

high maintenance
Too high maintenance

According to the Urban Dictionary, the most popular understanding and usage of the term “high maintenance” are:

  1. “Requiring a lot of attention. When describing a person, high-maintenance usually means that the individual is emotionally needy or prone to over-dramatizing a situation to gain attention.”
  2. “A person who has expensive taste (re. clothing, restaurants, etc.). This person is never comfortable because he/she is constantly concerned about his/her appearance. This person feels they are better than most people and usually judge others based on outward appearances.”

While both descriptions maybe correct in terms of the needy, self-centered behaviours and judgemental attitudes that both men and women display, does it really apply to a woman who knows what she wants and goes for it; has high standards for herself and constantly strive to meet them? Does it apply to the woman who loves to wear certain types of clothing, eat at expensive restaurants and gets a weekly mani-pedicure, paying for all these “luxuries” herself?

Is being the so-called “high maintenance” woman a bad thing?

[optin-cat id=”6744″]

Your Box, Not Mine

This is a label that has been slapped on me over the years. In my younger years, it came as a result of my obvious neediness, low self-esteem and my sometimes dramatic behaviour. People with whom I was in relationship – intimate and otherwise – found it a challenge to continue their close contact with me as a result of my attitude. It simply was too much work being friends or having me as a lover.

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high maintenance
Self-love is key (Source: pinterest.com)

After months of therapy, spiritual counselling, self-reflection and serious work of accepting, grieving and then finally healing my wounds, the woman who you meet today is not the one who was dumped due to her neediness. Yet, there are people who still label me “high maintenance.” This does not cause me to lose any sleep, however, as I have come to embrace the fact that when a woman finally comes into herself and lives from her highest understanding of who she is, some people cannot cope with that.

What you will find as you grow to love yourself and treat yourself as your most prized possession is that friends, spouse, family members, dates and even coworkers will be challenged by you. You do not have to be the classical beauty, dress in designer clothes everyday or at all, get spa treatment on a regular basis, order lobster on your dates or have diamond dripping off your body. You might very well be like me and have “buckteeth,” wear bargain dresses and haunt consignment stores, your nails might be chipped more than they are painted and the only diamond you have is the one in the wedding ring given to you by an ex husband.

You’re Still High Maintenance If…

Nonetheless, people will call you “high maintenance” when you have high standards and self-confidence and you are self motivated. You are high maintenance to some because you are educated or have an opinion that you are not afraid to share even if your date holds an opposing one.

I remember being told that I was high maintenance because of my twice a year purchase of really expensive makeup – from my pocket. A date once said I was “too much,” because I rather take my car to the dealership for cleaning and maintenance and not learn to do it myself. My explanation that (1) that was not something that I was interested in learning to do and (2) the hours that I would spend doing that I could read a book to help advance my education, were ludicrous by him.

high maintenance woman
You are not!

So, the next time someone calls you high maintenance, if all or most of the following are more in keeping with who you are or how you are living your life, ignore them:

  • “Truly powerful women don’t explain why they want respect. They simply don’t engage those who don’t give it to them.” Sherry Argov
  • “A person with taste is merely one who can recognize the greatest beauty in the simplest things.” Barbara Taylor Bradford
  • “I believe in strong women. I believe in the woman who is able to stand up for herself. I believe in the woman who doesn’t need to hide behind her husband’s back. I believe that if you have problems, as a woman you deal with them, you don’t play victim, you don’t make yourself look pitiful, you don’t point fingers. You stand and you deal. You face the world with a head held high and you carry the universe in your heart.” C. JoyBell C
  • “A strong woman builds her own world. She is one who is wise enough to know that it will attract the man she will gladly share it with.”  Ellen J. Barrier
  • “Always present yourself as a woman who expects to succeed.” Barbara Taylor Bradford
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Yes, there are “high maintenance” women, people actually, who fall within the realms of needy. For those persons my preferred term would be wounded, needing support and guidance to become, what is often misunderstood, a woman of substance. Where would you prefer to be?

Your Thoughts And Our Changes
Claudette P Esterine

Share your thoughts with us in the comments below and please, share this post with any woman who has been dumped and now doubting herself because she has been labelled as high maintenance. [tweetthis]Hey girl, you do need to read this post about why you are not high maintenance![/tweetthis]

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41 thoughts on “High Maintenance Woman: Yes, I Am

  1. […] a person of colour, a woman with a past, a divorcée, a person with a fluid sexuality and an immigrant in a white-majority country – the […]

  2. Own it! I don’t think high maintenance people are bad people at all, they just need a little extra TLC 🙂

    1. Ms Claudette

      I have owned my standards. so I totally agree with you Shannon! 🙂

  3. So true, when you own who you are, what others think is inconsequential because you know your truth and your path to happiness. The rest can either choose to be a part of it or keep it moving 😉

    1. Ms Claudette

      Keep moving! Love it! 🙂

  4. I’ve never been called high maintenence, so I don’t relate to what you’be dealt with. I hate labels anyway.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I think that something that most of us would agree on – the not liking of labels. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  5. platypus6

    Great post. I definitely know some high maintenance women!

    1. Ms Claudette

      We all do! 🙂 Thanks for the compliment.

  6. I am not high maintenance woman but experienced some of around me.

    1. Ms Claudette

      As I said to someone else, we all have experienced the needy behaviour. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

  7. Elizabeth O.

    I won’t apologize for having high standards. If that’s high maintenance for others then that’s not my problem anymore.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I could not agree with your more Elizabeth! 🙂

  8. victoria

    I am not high maintenance i’m so far with that and i am not a materialistic person i’m just a simple woman with a happy lifestyle.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Good for you Victoria! 🙂

  9. I agree.. I dont think they feel comfortable with what they have.

    1. Ms Claudette

      You’re right! 🙂

  10. I think my daughter is high maintenance, but she’s super lovable and fun. I don’t think anyone hates her — she’s hilarious to be with.

    1. Ms Claudette

      She might be my kind of high maintenance – high funny, high standards, high self esteem…etc. 🙂

  11. Maybe we can choose to say not high maintenance but high standards? I like that better.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Absolutely but just making the point that a so-called high maintenance person might actually just someone who has high standards. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  12. Chanelle

    Love this. I have learned to love who God has made me. There will always be those who love you for you and those who will hate you for being you. Great post.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you and very true! 🙂

  13. As someone else commented, this is insightful, and it gives another meaning to high-maintenance. This is a very thoughtful post.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you very much Teresa! 🙂

  14. Melissa

    I always take my car in rather than working on it myself. Hubby and I don’t have the time!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Exactly! That doesn’t make us snobs! L)

  15. I am far from high maintenance. T shirts, jeans and pizza and I’m happy

    1. Ms Claudette

      Funny enough, there are people who dress just like you who some might think is high maintenance. 🙂 Whatever, you just enjoy your life!

  16. No one has ever labeled me high maintenance–I am more the kind of woman that observes quietly and speaks when spoken to–I am definitely not needy! For example-I was at a club a LONG time ago and was standing against the wall watching the others dance (I actually don’t like to dance but went with a friend who did)-a guy started to talk to me then all of a sudden he looked at me and said–“you know–you are a really nice person”–He was looking for that beautiful girl across the room I guess–and I am not that–I am just me and I like who I am!!

    1. Ms Claudette

      That’s the key to love who you are and just be you – whatever label people ascribe to you or not! Have a great week! 🙂

  17. My thing is people have a right to be who they want to be and as long as they are not affecting me in any way then they are free to be who they want to be.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Amen to that! 🙂

  18. I am not this. I do know some ladies who are though and it drives me crazy.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, it can drive you crazy if the person is “needy” but this is not about needy this is about confidence and self assurance. 🙂

  19. Own every inch of you because you are fabulous just the way you are and don’t let anyone tell you any different. You are not high-maintenance but a woman in control of her destiny.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Amen to that!!! Thank you for stopping by! 🙂

  20. that was an insightful post! Gave me a lot to think about. Its not what you think when you think “high maintenance”…..Great post- love your blog! 🙂
    Claire 🙂

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you, thank you and thank you! 🙂

  21. Robin Rue (@massholemommy)

    That generally scares most men away -I try to keep it a little more simple.

    1. Ms Claudette

      If that is what makes you happy, go for it! 🙂

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