Connecting The Dots
Things always connect in my mind. Seemingly obscure thoughts, posts, conversations even billboards along my route to work always eventually connect. Dots along the way, never empty statements, even though they stand alone in the moment.
So when I read articles and posts on blogs, in my Facebook news feed, on Twitter – wherever – in the moment they might seem just like words but I would successfully wager a bet that eventually they connect.
Case in point: the suggestion to ask you, readers of this blog, to tell us some of the stories you would like us to do. Taking the advice seriously, I created a survey that might have already popped up to the left of your screen, asking you “What Women-Related Topic Should We Cover Next?”
Emptiness was the first response you gave.
Always responsive to your suggestions, requests and feedback, I immediately got in touch with my Contributors to see how best to present our understanding and experiences with the topic. As I type, at least two are actively mulling over the empty feeling that at least one of you is having and one has begun writing about it.
Clara Brown will share with you in a week or two what she knows about emptiness in the context of losing a child. At this point, I am not sure where the others will take the conversation – and that is good as my desire is that our Contributors share only what they truly know and understand. We do not repeat mantras of celebrities here – our aim is to always be inspiring, insightful and in-depth and not empty vessels.
That Empty Feeling
As for me, waking up this morning, after my morning “prayer” of gratitude and roll around in my bed, the next thought to my mind was what does feeling empty have to do with:
- My being single?
- Finances: having very little, plenty or being bankrupt?
- My only child having left the nest empty for 10 years now?
These are some of the areas where I have felt empty. Thinking about them and having a real need to not go too philosophical on you today – I thought to use visuals and quotes instead to express my first take on this topic. But, before sharing those let me say this – for the longest while now, emptiness is not a feeling or a state of mind that would accurately describe my emotional state.
There are moments, very few and far between, that a sadness that could be associated with emptiness does come over me. I had that sense of sadness as I rouse from a dream earlier this morning. It bathed my memory as I thought of a lost love – a man who I knew as a 20-year old university student. He was the first to evoke such emotions from me that I would have abandoned everything, my studies, my country, life as I knew it then and run off to his home in West Africa.
The beauty of Life is that – nature truly abhors a vacuum and years after letting go of his empty promises, I look back with a smile as the circle is complete. My daughter is the mother of a beautiful baby whose father hails from the same country. Thinking about that leg of my journey and my daughter and my current paths, what I would like to ask you in response to your request is,
Is there truly emptiness or merely gaps to be filled by time and love?
Feeling Empty When A Relationship Ends
“I said nothing for a time, just ran my fingertips along the edge of the human-shaped emptiness that had been left inside me.” ― Haruki Murakami,
We have all experienced this feeling. It ends and no matter how long it lasted, there is a hole, a space, an expanse in your heart that feels like it will never be filled.
Some use drugs, alcohol or even quickly enter into new ‘relationships’, attempting to cover the empty feeling. In my case, food was my filling but aside from increasing my waistline and dropping my double-chin lower – nothing worked.
The Emptiness That Death Brings
“Grief … gives life a permanently provisional feeling. It doesn’t seem worth starting anything. I can’t settle down. I yawn, I fidget, I smoke too much. Up till this I always had too little time. Now there is nothing but time. Almost pure time, empty successiveness.” ― C.S. Lewis,
I have never “lost” a loved one. Death has not visited my door – not yet – in such a way that has left me reeling in the void of emptiness. Yet, reading the words of C.S. Lewis and having sat and wiped the tears of so many who have had their soul mates make their transitions, walked the corridors of homes made empty by Life’s companion, Death, this I am sure is one of the most profound experiences of emptiness.
Learn To Live With It
As we here ponder our responses to you, this last quote says all that I have learned over my now 50-year journey on Earth: “Youth always tries to fill the void, an old man learns to live with it.” ― Mark Z. Danielewski
“Old” women – if not necessarily in age but in spirit that most of us now are, we have come to the point in our lives that while feeling empty is real, not food, not money, not fair-weather friends, worse yet not drugs or alcohol will fill the void left by broken promises, relationships ending, loved ones making their transitions, or any other endings in our lives.
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Have an awesome rest of the day and be a blessing in some small way to everyone you meet.