Are Your Demons Haunting Your Daughter?

Connecting Daily

Every morning, except for her days off, my daughter calls me around 7:30 and then again around 8:45 just before she steps into her workplace. Our conversations cover the extremely important issues of the world to the mundane. This relationship with my daughter, this closeness took years to cultivate. There was a time not so long ago when it seemed as if we would never regain our connection, when we were so estranged, at opposites as she fought me to become the woman she is today.

We always loved each other but our connection now is born out of compassion and my intentional ‘work’ to transform into the woman who I too have become.

Mother’s Demons Haunting Daughter

My daughter was born to a stubborn, aggressive, hungry-for-education, combative and talkative young woman. She grew up with a mother who was still very much unaware of the emotional scars she bore, the ones that were oozing anger, low self-esteem and no self-confidence.

Throughout the first 20 years of my daughter’s life, her mother was fighting ghosts of her childhood – ones that haunted her every sleeping and waking moments. Childhood sexual abuse, parental abuse, an absent father, domestic violence and rape were some of cloaked specters that woke me up in terror and spoke and acted out in my relationships with just about everyone that came into my space. They were very present in my relationship with my daughter and created havoc!

So many times during those years, the fear was vivid in my daughter’s eyes as she waited for me to lash out, explode or deliver a verbal beating at her request for money, to go on a date or if she really had no desire to eat sardines or liver yet again. Little did my daughter know that her mother was unwell. How was she to know that it was my insecurities about poverty, safety and well-being and our survival that was choking the love out of our relationship?

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The Road To Wellness

daughter
Healing moment

My transformation began in the pews of a very non-traditional church and would deepen in the hospital sanctuaries where I spent a two years in training as a spiritual counsellor. As trainee chaplains, it was mandatory for us to undergo psychological and spiritual counselling ourselves. Our own wounds had to be lanced before we would be allowed to independently support the journey of another.

Wounded healers is what we were. Our wellness had to be assured before a supervisor would sign off that we were ready to walk with patients and clients along their journey. Many of us slipped along the way, myself included, but the crazy thing with intentionally deciding to do self-care is that you learn to let go of all the pain, negativity, blaming and shaming that were inflicted on you or that you blindly gave to others.

Letting go has become central in my life. It was only through releasing all that was no longer serving me that my daughter and my relationship became so connected. Things got worse before it got this good between us – and that is one of the paradoxes of change. It is one that prevents many from inviting change into their lives. To exorcise the demons of our lives, we must install the emotional filters that I wrote about in another post. If you are to enjoy the freedom of an examined life and if you are to get well, clarity and compassion must be your friends.

The Pay-Offs of Exorcism

infographic demon
Infographic: Letting Go Is Good For You

If for a moment you feel that you are ready for:

  1. Freedom to be all that you want to be
  2. Clarity to guide your daily experiences
  3. Compassion to heal your wounds and allow you to be grateful to your ‘Teachers’
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then please visit our letting go page that was created. I invite you to explore the various posts and links included on it. Your wellness is as profound and long-lasting as your willingness to incorporate healthy practices in all areas of your life. Yes, at the risk of sounding like a broken record – your wellness is only complete when it covers your body, your mind, your emotions and your spirit.

This morning, the conversation between my daughter and I covered the news that Caitlyn Jenner has been declared “Woman of the Year,” by Glamour magazine. We looked at work/life balance and what next for each of us to level the scale in each of our lives. And of course, we laughed about my granddaughter’s temper tantrums and new practice of throwing herself on the floor when she does not get her way. Agreeing that this has to stop before it becomes a habit, we rung off and launched into our day, happy to have spoken and even more happy that love is now the only tie that binds us.

What about you, how well are you today? Are you experiencing the three pay-offs of letting go?

Do share your thoughts in the comments box below as well, I invite you to subscribe and join our community of wounded healers. As a subscriber, you will receive one daily email update of our posts, along with my monthly KB Life Newsletter and affirmation poster. Your privacy is guaranteed as I would never spam you. In the coming months, there will continue to be improvements here and as a subscriber you will gain even more access to tips, suggestions and material not published on the blog. So, subscribe today and let us walk together.

Have an awesome day and be sure to check out my Facebook page where I post my “Tuesday Thought” video every week.

Namaste.

Claudette P. Esterine
Claudette

 

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52 thoughts on “Are Your Demons Haunting Your Daughter?

  1. Great post you have here.. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you very much! πŸ™‚

  2. I always pray that my children will have a close relationship with me. I grew up not having one with my parents and I don’t want my children to experience the pain I felt from that.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I know the feeling! Aside from losing a child, I am not sure there is a greater pain than not having a relationship with your parents or a parent. Been there and in the next life, it is not something that I want to repeat. Granted, it made me the woman that I am still becoming. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this! Namaste. πŸ™‚

  3. You always have great insights & love what you’re doing with the letting go section!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Aww Rocio, thank you very much for that! πŸ™‚ You truly warmed my heart. We are trying our best to do the best with the letting go and all other sections of this blog. Letting Go, however, is an art form of mine! LOL

  4. This sounds very similar to my mother. I remember she called me when I was in college to tell me she wasn’t going to be that way anymore. I seriously thought she was tricking me, and I was just waiting for her to lash out again. While she has greatly improved compared to the way she treated me when I was a child, I still have to keep my distance from her or her negativity will swallow me whole.

    1. Ms Claudette

      What you have shared here is very familiar to me. There were times in my life that I was scared to answer my telephone on a Sunday afternoon as I knew what was coming. I completely get what you said about not wanting to be swallowed by the negativity. Been there, done that. I thank you so much for sharing this with us/me. Often, others who have wonderful relationships with their parents simply cannot understand out stories. Namaste.

  5. my mum is my best friend

    1. Ms Claudette

      That is awesome! Thanks for stopping by Lisa! πŸ™‚

  6. I don’t think my daughter is being taunted by any of my demons.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Well that is absolutely wonderful, Tony! πŸ™‚

  7. CourtneyLynne

    Ahhh my mom and I go threw times that we talk and then we don’t… In the end we always end up talking again though. Relationships with parents can be tough

    1. Ms Claudette

      They most certainly are, so best to enjoy the “great” moments and remember them when the “not so great” ones come. Thanks for visiting again! πŸ™‚

  8. It’s great that you now have a good relationship with your daughter. Letting go is really the key to free yourself from hurt and anger.

    1. Ms Claudette

      It indeed is! Thank you for stopping by! πŸ™‚

  9. Eileen xo

    I speak to my Mom every day! We have had our ups and downs – I think all moms and daughters can have them – I love your honesty and compassion. love that you have reconnected!

    1. Ms Claudette

      We most certainly do – us mothers and daughters! Thank you for your visit and comment Eileen! πŸ™‚

  10. I don’t have children but I know sometimes my Mom can place a lot of her burdens on me. We have worked through it though and are very close!

    1. Ms Claudette

      I am so glad to hear that you and your mother are working through those issues. So glad. Thanks for sharing that, it really lifts my heart. Namaste πŸ™‚

  11. Good to see that you now have a great relationship with your adult daughter. I find that many daughters reach a certain age and the relationship falls by the wayside. I am thankful for the closeness I have with my daughter (only child).

    1. Ms Claudette

      You have a daughter?!!! You could be my daughter! πŸ™‚ Yes, it is a beautiful thing. I didn’t have much of a relationship with my mother so I so cherish what I have with my own and making sure to have a close connection with my granddaughter, who just owns my heart. πŸ™‚

  12. victoria

    looks like you have a good relation with your daughter i wish i could do this in my two boys

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, it was a long road but we are now finally walking side by side. I hope you will have this or better experience with your sons. Thanks for stopping by! πŸ™‚

  13. Elizabeth O.

    That’s very nice. I love stories like this of parents and their kids finding a way to work things out. After all, you can never choose who your family will be, and instead of turning your back at them why not just adjust and accept them for who they are, without hesitation and without any ill intentions, right? I’m so happy for you and your daughter. Thank you for sharing your story as well.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you for visiting. There are times and some – even family – that you do have to walk away from. I have had to make that choice as well. I am eternally grateful for where my daughter and I are today. πŸ™‚

  14. This is something I have had to address internally as I raise my son as well. It’s hard not to project my fears and worries onto him!

    1. Ms Claudette

      It certainly is very easy to do and so we have to check in with ourselves frequently to sort it out before letting it out to them. Thanks for visiting again! πŸ™‚

  15. you are fortunate that you repaired your relationship with your daughter. We all have things we need to work out.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes and yes! πŸ™‚ Thank you for visiting. πŸ™‚

  16. I too speak with my mom daily. I can’t say enough about her ability to be transparent with me and how that has transformed the choices I made in my life.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I am so grateful to you for saying that as I sometimes wonder if I am too transparent with her! Thank you! πŸ™‚

  17. I speak with my mom at least a couple times a day. I always hoped I would have a daughter, so I could continue this kind of relationship, but my son’s are going to have to learn to love to talk on the phone to their momma! πŸ™‚

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, they will! πŸ™‚ I wish I could have had the kind of conversations with my mother that is why I am so keen to have them with my daughter. Thanks for sharing Shann!

  18. danavento

    I am in the ‘fighting’ stages because remember “I am not smart!” I am reminded of that daily.

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are smart. You are very smart! I see how smart you are every day that i visit your blog and read all those wonderful tips and guides that you share. You have to be smart and beautiful to do that! MUAH!

  19. I try so hard not to pass my negativity on to my children, especially my daughters. It’s not always easy though :/

    1. Ms Claudette

      Of course it is not always easy but we do have to try and I am glad that you are as it encourages me to continue doing the same. Thanks for dropping by! πŸ™‚

  20. Sounds like a lot of progress and healing has been made

    1. Ms Claudette

      Oh yes, oh yes! πŸ™‚

  21. I am learning to let go of the past and am using it to make myself a better person I am amazed at how forthright you are I think it is refreshing that you are honest about your struggles as a mother.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Ana, I have told so many lies in my life and it did me no good! So now I am doing Truth instead – and we seem to love each other! πŸ™‚ Thanks for visiting my darling! πŸ™‚

  22. So VERY insightful! I feel that a lot of my own demons spilled over to my children in their youth, as my mothers’ did upon me. It is a chain of events – unhealthy events we have to break! I now speak to both of my young adult “children” about breaking this chain.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes Joely!!! I was so haunted by my mother’s ghosts it was worse than Halloween! Maybe that’s why I don’t observe it??? Nope, I am very open and frank with my daughter and my struggles and now healing process – which by the way, continues every day, no one is too evolved! Thanks again for visiting. πŸ™‚

  23. Sounds like you have a great relationship with your daughter. It is cool tat she calls you every day.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Every day, at least twice! She has this beautiful chuckle thatI so adore! πŸ™‚

  24. What an incredible journey you have been on! Letting go is hard but in the end it’s the thing that will heal us the most!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you and yes – letting go is one of the best things one can do to be free! Thanks for your visit Heidi! πŸ™‚

  25. I just can’t let go. It’s not the way I’m wired.

    1. Ms Claudette

      πŸ™‚ I felt the same way too until I did. Time, my dear, time. πŸ™‚

  26. I’m learning to let it all go the older I get, it’s something I work on every day.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, it indeed is a daily task. πŸ™‚

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