The 1 Cold Truth About Parenting

Parenting: Sacrifice or Fulfilling?

Being my mother’s only child was not easy. All her expectations, hopes and dreams were placed squarely on my head and it was a very heavy load for a child to bear. Many times as she reprimanded me for my missteps or, worse yet, whipped my behind, she would list all the “sacrifices” she made for me, all the other dreams that she had to let vanish due to her responsibility to me.

Thank heavens she had let some go because God knows I could not carry anymore weight!

Seriously, constantly being told about her sacrifices did not make me any more grateful or obedient for that matter.  In fact, what it did was made me guilty and that would later turn into resentment as she exacted payment. I felt for many years, well into my 30’s, that I owed her and it would cost me a high price – my self-respect and self-love.

Parenting: Science & Service

Parenting is a delicate act, a science, a thin line to walk with caring and guiding on one side and projecting your unfulfilled wants for your life on your children.

Reading this article by Stacia Brown on this very subject was opportune and I decided to highlight it in this post. Mondays to Thursdays we have two posts – a morning article that sets the tone for the day with news, views and interesting information about the subject that will be discussed in the afternoon article.

parenting
Mother and Son

This afternoon, Robert Turner will post his views on “5 Things A Boy Wishes Him Mom Understood About Raising A Man.” It is a humorous piece, one that we hope you will enjoy but also take away some valuable tips if you are raising a young man. Robert in a funny kind of way makes some serious points, however, on projection and whether as parents, mothers, we are demanding our children to be who we say they should be, in return for us giving birth to them, and not live from their hearts.

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Brown’s article, “Parenting Shouldn’t Be About Self-Sacrifice Whatever The Income,” is relevant to Robert’s post as she points to something that many parents, not just my late mother, continue to do – sacrifice their hopes and dreams for sake of the children. Now, do not blast me in the comment section below as you misunderstood what Brown or I are saying. As a parent, a person who decided to produce an offspring or two, or however many, with or without a supportive father, it was your choice. When my daughter told me that in a letter when she was about 9 years old, it did not surprise me as it was the same thought that I had many times as my mother agonized and lamented about her lost chances – because of me.

The Truth About Becoming A Parent

The three-part lesson that I learned and what Brown discusses in her article that you can read here is this:

  • You will have to make choices
  • You will have to prioritize
  • You will have to decide what is possible in the moment and what has to be shelved and those choices, decisions and priorities might affect the trajectory that you previously imagined for your life.
parents
Becoming a parent is your choice

It is not your child’s fault or a reason to decorate you with a medal that you have to make hard decisions. You made the choice to have the child and with every choice comes responsibility, including adjusting to the changes you have to make for everyone to thrive.

Some of you will not agree with this and that is okay. You might see it as bad parenting advice and/or the reason some parents today are sloughing off their responsibility, especially women, and pursuing the career they always wanted and spending less time at home as mothers did back in the day. I would disagree with you and that is okay as well.

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It is my view that there is no law – societal or spiritual – that says you cannot be who you want to be because you have children. For me that is “lack thinking.” My daughter did not want of anything because of my continuing pursuit of education and career development. In fact, she had a role model for how to be a mother, a career-minded woman and a fully functioning citizen of the world, whether she agreed with all my decisions or not. That word, “sacrifice,” never passed my lips to her ears, not once and I had to make choices, put things on hold and reschedule others.

What about you? What are your thoughts on this? Did you “sacrifice” for your children or did you make choices in the best interest of all concerned?

young women
A Practical Spirituality for Young Women

Share your thoughts with me in the comments below as well Subscribe and receive updates of Robert’s post and that of our other Contributors. Next Monday (September 14), I will be hosting a FREE Webinar for young women and we will cover some parenting tips as well as life skills that every young woman could use. If you are under 35 years old or know a young woman who is, do share and check out the details here.

Have a great rest of the day!

 

 

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13 thoughts on “The 1 Cold Truth About Parenting

  1. I totally agree with your post. The son and mother bond is so beautiful. my son wrote me a poem for my birthday you should come check it out, its called out of all the mothers in the world. thanks for sharing your post

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you for visiting! Sure, I will have a read. 🙂

  2. hopscotch

    Being a parent was really hard. sometimes you need sacrifice a thing or give way for what’s better on your kids.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I am just challenged by the word “sacrifice” in this sense. My belief is that it is a responsibility not a sacrifice to pave the way for the children you decide to have. But that’s my view. Namaste.

  3. victoria

    I love to reading your post! Being a parent was never easy but at the right side it was fun because you have the kids that makes you happy and you have to pick the good choices

    1. Ms Claudette

      Right on Victoria! 🙂

  4. tara pittman

    A parent is a tough job. The rewards are so worth it.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes and yes!!!

  5. […] Did you catch our morning post – “The 1 Cold Truth About Parenting”? Check it out here. […]

  6. dltolley

    I wanted to be a mom. In fact, when I studied journalism in college, it was with the idea that I would be writing from home. I have never regretted my decisions, either to have my babies, or to work from home. I have felt totally fulfilled. I guess I’m a lucky one. I’ve never felt like I sacrificed…

    1. Ms Claudette

      I wouldn’t say luck necessarily Diane – great planning, focus and knowing how you wanted your life and family to be designed. Those would be my description. Much love as always and I am going to review your book before Christmas so that it can be included in some of my readers stockings. Namaste 🙂

  7. First of I am no parent yet I am planning to have kids in the future and I can imagine it to be a sacrifice. Now if it’s a bad sacrifice is on the other hand because kids can also be fullfilling you can have fun with them it just depends on how you treat and educate them at least that’s my take on it.

    Either you do a good job take and take good care of them or you do a bad Job and it will be hell on earth for you. My parents also had plans for me and certain expectations but I am a free thinker always been that way so it was quite a nuisance for them to handle me but regardless they love me and I love them we have our ups and downs but that’s normal it is human!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Absolutely love your take and how you balance both sides of this spinning coin! Thanks for your comment and visit! Namaste 🙂

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