Previously published on November 3, 2014
When my first marriage slipped off the rocks and was rapidly heading to the bottom of a very steep cliff, some people advised me to work on it for the sake of my child. Only 22 years old but very clear that my body could not stand any more beatings nor was I ready to subdue my personality to fit into the role of submissive wife, I ruled them out of hand.
A couple of decades later and at the end of another relationship that same spirit emerged. I did what we say in Jamaica when I heard the voice-mail telling me it was over – I kissed my teeth. You know, that seething sound that basically means “Whatever!”
Thirty odd years was long enough for me to finally get it – you move on. After being:
- Hurt to the core of your being
- Betrayed by persons who, as they say, you would have taken a bullet for
- Ridiculed and shamed in your own home
…if the pain does not kill you or lead you to killing yourself, you get tired of the same thing repeating and you learn the lesson. You get well in mind, body and spirit. You also start walking to that place called personal freedom. It has nothing to do with money, granted having your own money or source of enough income does help to make the journey more easy. In order to get well and start your trip, you must learn to practice forgiveness.
Forgive Yourself First
The one most valuable thing that I have learned about the much-touted “forgiveness,” is that you have to forgive yourself first.
Issue a pardon to the ‘little’ you who forgot your divinity, your royalty, the greatness that resides in you and requires no one’s approval or permission to express Itself.
Only after forgiving myself for my forgetfulness of who and Whose I am – the emotional amnesia that lead me to massive weight gain, diabetes, Grave disease and attempted suicides – only then was I able to let others off the hook.
I changed and so my world had to change.
It is a wonderful feeling – this thing called personal freedom. You gain it by stop denying where you are, what is appearing in your life and what you truly desire. There are teachers who will feed you “lessons” about sacrifice and denial. My experience is that such lessons lead to denial of your true self, trying to fit into boxes – and they are many as every person you meet have a different sized one for you. As Margaret Thatcher famously said, “I cannot die washing up a tea cup,” not all of us wish to lead lives set by society.
Freedom Is Your Right
Some believe it requires winning the lottery to be free but they are dead wrong. Jim Carey, comedian and mystic in my view, has the wish for everyone to be rich and famous. He said that only then will they get it that it, money, really is not the fount of happiness.
Happiness and personal freedom – those are the gifts of forgiveness of self and then others. Have you awarded yourself with these priceless treasures? What are you waiting for?
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Have a great rest of the day and do join us tomorrow when Alexis Ali will share Part III of her four-part fictional series on violence in women. Did you read Part I and Part II of “Adele’s Pattern: A Journey to Redemption?”
On Thursday, Robert Turner will have a special post, one that follows up neatly on Alexis’. He will be sharing his thoughts on what many young men wish their mothers understood about raising men. Do check out Alexis posts as well as subscribe and get a daily email of all our posts.
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