You Don’t Have To Accept Being Taken For Granted!

Stop Being A Sucker For Pain!

masking your painEarlier this year, a version of this article was posted on my former blog. I decided to revive and republish it as a two-part series due to the amount of comments and questions received in response to it.

In our morning post, I covered the question of you taking others for granted, especially your employer. Check it out here as it is always important to remember that we get what we give. Claiming victim status without checking our own behaviour and role in the situations that come up in our lives is to be in utter denial.

Now, in this the first part of this series, you are invited to explore with me this question – “Are you being taken for granted by anyone in your life?”

In the second part to this series, which I will publish on Saturday, I will share with you some tips to put an end to it, no matter who the culprit is that is treating you like dirt.

Always Open For Business

So, let us get started with this warning and there is no easy way to say this so let me not waste time trying to sugar coat it:

If you are being taken for granted by anyone or in any situation you are the cause of it.

Whoever it was who first said this must have been taken for granted one time too many and finally learned his/her lesson: “You teach people how to treat you.”

"Take as much as you want" Mentality
“Take as much as you want” Mentality

My late mother and some Jamaican parents of a certain era had this notion that children are “old age pension.” Subsequently, they treat their children, or at least in my case, as their personal banks. This institution was a special one however, as little deposit was required but it was assumed that withdrawals could be made simply by their requests.

Many parents behave in this fashion, take their children for granted and why should they not? After all, they gave them life, no? They had a reasonable expectation of a return on their “investment.” No?

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No. No. No.

Friends, lovers, employers and, if you are one of those unknowingly parading a “Take From Me” sign, even panhandlers will assume you to be their personal account from which they can continuously withdraw.

Until you put an end to it.

Close The Door On The Abuse

How do you stop being taken for granted? Well, as with every life-changing moment, the first step is acknowledging and accepting where you are and what is. The ‘work’ is deciphering whether the situation that you are in is:

A. One where you are simply being a giving person and do not feel depreciated in any way, or

B.Β  One where you are in relationship or relating with a “Taker.”

taken for granted
Your gut is your compass

Your compass – the most reliable indicator – will be your gut.

  1. Does it churn when this person calls or when you know you will meet up with them?
  2. Is a panic attack the best feeling you can conjure when you think about your boss and the work day ahead?
  3. Have you been playing with ideas how to express your dissatisfaction with your sex life to a mate who seems happy with his/her game?

A yes to any of these or similar questions might be pointing you to look where you have placed priority in your life. Are your needs, your development or your satisfaction first on the list? If your answer to this is either no or not most of the time, then go to the second step.

If you chat with your friends freely when they call, no churning tummy; you look forward to going into work and your relationship with your boss causes you laughter and not panic and/or if your sex life was any better it would be illegal, then it would be a reasonable assessment from a distance that all is well with you in this regard.

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Be Honest With Yourself

Panic attacks, churning gut or a sex life that you are scared to discuss would lead you to the second step where you need to more keenly and privately, at first, explore the area or areas that cause you anxiety. Here is what you could do, if you feel you can do this on your own and do not need to immediately consult with a professional.

Grab pen and paper – writing clarifies – and headline each page, if there are more than one situations where you feel that you are being taken for granted, with these questions:

  • “What would help me to be (more) happy?”
  • “Whose needs or satisfaction come before mine?”
  • “What scares me most?”

Fill in the blank with the name of the person or situation in question. Then list, not what you do not like, but what would turnaround the relationship, friendship or your career. Example:

  • I would like Jane to show more interest in my children when she calls or on our lunch dates
  • Going to see the occasional movie with Harry is always very nice
  • Hearing about my mother’s friends and those things that she enjoys doing feels great
  • When Mr. Jones tells me “thanks” or “good job,” I feel really accomplished
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Remember, what you focus on you either bring about or you cause the unwanted to move out of your experience due to lack of attention.

That is Step One. Be sure to subscribe (I do not spam) and receive updates when I post the conclusion on Saturday, as well as the posts of all the Contributors here. If you would like to “walk” with me on this and any other issues that we as women, in the first instance, grow through on the daily grind, sign-up for my FREE Webinar on August 30, 2015. Check it out here.

 

 

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35 thoughts on “You Don’t Have To Accept Being Taken For Granted!

  1. What a great article. shared and thanks for sharing!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you so much for sharing it Rocky! πŸ™‚

  2. […] appreciation, if not full understanding, why people in your life continue to take advantage of you. Check out that exercise before moving on to the next steps in this […]

  3. leybainpublic

    Really awesome article. Inspiring and empowering indeed. LOve to read this kind of posts daily!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you very much! That is so encouraging! Namaste πŸ™‚

  4. These are such great truths. Nobody should accept abuse. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are most welcome! And thank you for the work that you do! πŸ™‚

  5. i agree,.. close the door on the abuse. stop being taken advantage of and learn how to stop dealing with it!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Amen!!! πŸ™‚

  6. Really nice article. That is so true. You teach people how to treat you. Sometimes it is easy to play victim, but there is some control you have over the situation.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Indeed we do have control, especially over the messages we communicate~ Thanks for dropping by! πŸ™‚

  7. Im still earning to go with my gut instinct and so far its always right

    1. Ms Claudette

      I’m glad that things are working out for you! πŸ™‚

  8. Elizabeth O.

    What an empowering article! Everything here is true. Women need to learn how to stop themselves from being taken for granted.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes we do! Thank you as always Elizabeth for dropping by! πŸ™‚

  9. I agree with you when you said that writing it out helps clear the mind. I have tried this a few times and it worked all the time.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, it is something I have done whenever things get challenging then again I am always writing – and it gives me direction, perspective and even advice as to what to do. Thanks for dropping by! πŸ™‚

  10. Always trust your gut! The majority of the time, it’s right.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, it is right and best not to second guess it and let that other ‘fellow’ take over – meaning the ego. Thanks for dropping by! πŸ™‚

  11. I love how you show is how to stop being taken advantage of. Totally agree it all starts with yourself.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Indeed it does and thank you for your comment and stopping by! πŸ™‚

  12. I find that little things make me happy. A ice cream cone does it for me.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Who doesn’t get happy with an ice cream come??? I love them too although the doctor says they are not good for me??? Thanks for dropping by! πŸ™‚

  13. This is such an informative article. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are most welcome and thanks for stopping by! πŸ™‚

  14. Great article, great advice.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you so much and that you for visiting! πŸ™‚

  15. shelahmoss

    You are so right. This is great advice.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you for your comment and for visiting! πŸ™‚

  16. I completely agree with you about the gut. It has saved me in so many instances. It definitely helps lead you where you should be going too.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Glad that that resonated with you and that you have had the experience of your “gut” guiding you to what was right for you! Much love and more blessings! Namaste πŸ™‚

    1. Ms Claudette

      Thank you so much for sharing! Greatly appreciated. πŸ™‚

  17. great series of posts! I think it is very important that before you claim you’re being taken advantage of that you look into the situation with objectivity. Examining both sides is important for protecting ourselves from being taken advantage of or our reputation for always claiming to be.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Exactly! We are quick to blame others and cloak ourselves in the victim’s cape without stopping to consider how we might have invited the Takers to come party with us! Thanks for dropping by! πŸ™‚

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