Stop Being A Sucker For Pain!
Earlier this year, a version of this article was posted on my former blog. I decided to revive and republish it as a two-part series due to the amount of comments and questions received in response to it.
In our morning post, I covered the question of you taking others for granted, especially your employer. Check it out here as it is always important to remember that we get what we give. Claiming victim status without checking our own behaviour and role in the situations that come up in our lives is to be in utter denial.
Now, in this the first part of this series, you are invited to explore with me this question – “Are you being taken for granted by anyone in your life?”
In the second part to this series, which I will publish on Saturday, I will share with you some tips to put an end to it, no matter who the culprit is that is treating you like dirt.
Always Open For Business
So, let us get started with this warning and there is no easy way to say this so let me not waste time trying to sugar coat it:
If you are being taken for granted by anyone or in any situation you are the cause of it.
Whoever it was who first said this must have been taken for granted one time too many and finally learned his/her lesson: “You teach people how to treat you.”
My late mother and some Jamaican parents of a certain era had this notion that children are “old age pension.” Subsequently, they treat their children, or at least in my case, as their personal banks. This institution was a special one however, as little deposit was required but it was assumed that withdrawals could be made simply by their requests.
Many parents behave in this fashion, take their children for granted and why should they not? After all, they gave them life, no? They had a reasonable expectation of a return on their “investment.” No?
No. No. No.
Friends, lovers, employers and, if you are one of those unknowingly parading a “Take From Me” sign, even panhandlers will assume you to be their personal account from which they can continuously withdraw.
Until you put an end to it.
Close The Door On The Abuse
How do you stop being taken for granted? Well, as with every life-changing moment, the first step is acknowledging and accepting where you are and what is. The ‘work’ is deciphering whether the situation that you are in is:
A. One where you are simply being a giving person and do not feel depreciated in any way, or
B. One where you are in relationship or relating with a “Taker.”
Your compass – the most reliable indicator – will be your gut.
- Does it churn when this person calls or when you know you will meet up with them?
- Is a panic attack the best feeling you can conjure when you think about your boss and the work day ahead?
- Have you been playing with ideas how to express your dissatisfaction with your sex life to a mate who seems happy with his/her game?
A yes to any of these or similar questions might be pointing you to look where you have placed priority in your life. Are your needs, your development or your satisfaction first on the list? If your answer to this is either no or not most of the time, then go to the second step.
If you chat with your friends freely when they call, no churning tummy; you look forward to going into work and your relationship with your boss causes you laughter and not panic and/or if your sex life was any better it would be illegal, then it would be a reasonable assessment from a distance that all is well with you in this regard.
Be Honest With Yourself
Panic attacks, churning gut or a sex life that you are scared to discuss would lead you to the second step where you need to more keenly and privately, at first, explore the area or areas that cause you anxiety. Here is what you could do, if you feel you can do this on your own and do not need to immediately consult with a professional.
Grab pen and paper – writing clarifies – and headline each page, if there are more than one situations where you feel that you are being taken for granted, with these questions:
- “What would help me to be (more) happy?”
- “Whose needs or satisfaction come before mine?”
- “What scares me most?”
Fill in the blank with the name of the person or situation in question. Then list, not what you do not like, but what would turnaround the relationship, friendship or your career. Example:
- I would like Jane to show more interest in my children when she calls or on our lunch dates
- Going to see the occasional movie with Harry is always very nice
- Hearing about my mother’s friends and those things that she enjoys doing feels great
- When Mr. Jones tells me “thanks” or “good job,” I feel really accomplished
Remember, what you focus on you either bring about or you cause the unwanted to move out of your experience due to lack of attention.
That is Step One. Be sure to subscribe (I do not spam) and receive updates when I post the conclusion on Saturday, as well as the posts of all the Contributors here. If you would like to “walk” with me on this and any other issues that we as women, in the first instance, grow through on the daily grind, sign-up for my FREE Webinar on August 30, 2015. Check it out here.