Step Back And Check Your Messages
On Thursday, I shared with you Part One of this two-part series on how to stop being taken for granted. That post ended with an exercise that, if you did it, would have led you into an appreciation, if not full understanding, why people in your life continue to take advantage of you. Check out that exercise before moving on to the next steps in this process.
As said in that earlier post, many people have written and spoken on this topic of taking advantage of others or being the one who is being taken for granted. They have provided insights, exercises and in-depth information on the matter yet many of us still fail to shake off the victim cloak. Here is one such article that provides a great summary of why people take you for granted. Check out the full article here but as a highlight, these are 5 of the reasons why this “happens” to you, according to Ankush Bahuguna, author of the piece:
- You are non-confrontational
- You cannot refuse people
- You are usually the one with no opinion
- You are always seeking approval for your actions
- You are indecisive
Check out the other five reasons people take you for granted from this article and let us move on to the steps to end this.
Step #3 – Share You Desire With The ‘Offender’
You have reflected on the relationship you are having with X person and have identified the ways it could be better and mutually supportive and not them always taking and you constantly giving. Time to take discourse to the next level.
The third step is to share your desire with the person in question. Without rancour, blaming or shaming, state your need and what you are willing to do to change the nature of the relationship. As well, and again without bitterness, say what you are unable to continue accepting. That is called establishing your boundary. This is something many of us missed learning growing up but it is never too late.
Some might get defensive no matter how you present the information. That is on them, so do not fall into the guilt trap. Others will surprise you by their welcoming of the offer to renew and expand the relating.
Step #4 – Congratulate Yourself
Whatever the response to your decision to no longer be the withdrawal account, the door mat, The Fixer, your fourth and last step in this is to congratulate yourself for seeing this through!
Believe me, I have had to do this very exercise many times. It is one that you will have to repeat several times until you have cleared your life of takers and everyone entering reads the memo: “This woman (or man) is no pushover! Most important is to enjoy the process, even through the pain – they are just teething pain and will pass once the new tooth has burst the gum.
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Have a fantastic Saturday!