7 Toxic Relationships And How To Remove Them From Your Life

Journal To Your Dreams

Over the past few weeks, I have found myself drawn to rereading old journals of mine. Do you journal? I did, not so much now. With the amount of time that I spend researching, writing and editing my posts here and that of the Contributors, it feels as if I am constantly journalling.

Let goMany of the posters shared on my Facebook page are quotes from my journals. The one that was my “Good morning” message today came from a 2007 journal that I was pouring over last night. That was a healing period for me, coming through one of the most traumatic and near fatal points of my journey.

It was only a few months after two suicide attempts and my journal was one of the several tools that was leading me to a new place. A challenging effort it was and many days I stepped backwards. The day that those words were written was one in which I was crawling into a new dream for my life.

In social media land, Mondays are usually dedicated to motivation. In my morning post, I shared with you some information on Self Determination Theory and how knowing where your motivation comes from can help you make the life you want. As someone who is intrinsically motivated, meaning I am one of those people who motivate themselves from within, does not need external factors to pull me up, over the years I have sought through and zoomed in on what does not work to move me forward.

One of those “things” is negativity – negative people and situations that pull down my spirit, sap my energy and dull my soul. Knowing what does not work for you means you have an handle on what will work and how to motivate yourself into being who you want to be.

Some months ago, I shared what follows on my former blog. I have revised it somewhat to tell you the story of how to remove what blocks most people from stepping into their dreams. Negative and toxic people. Continue reading.


Poison Appearing As People

poison and negativity
Be careful what you accept

What better motivation could there be than to remove poisonous, toxic people from your life?

Recently I have found myself sleeping in more often. This fine Monday morning was another such day. Formerly this was a very rare occurrence. Whether it is my reaching the half century mark or, as I rather believe, it is the freedom that is now mine. One is never sure.

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My life really geared up around my 35th birthday. When I turned 41 year, things took a nosedive. Throughout those years, sleep and I were estranged. That would stay the case for almost a decade until recently.

As is often my practice, weekly in fact, during my reflection time my thoughts went to this bout of sleep-iness that I have experienced. Assessing the changes in my life circumstances, including my living arrangements, my marital and economic statuses and my career choice at this time, one thing stood out.

Hardly, if any, toxic people are in my immediate circle.

Seven Signs Of Toxic Relationships

It was an emotionally perplexing week for me, however, things soon sorted themselves out. What could have been poisonous interactions were detoxified. Reading an article by Heidi Priebe’s was confirmation of my conclusion about where I am in terms of relationships at this point. The seven markers of toxic and poisonous relationships are nowhere in my experience – not anymore.

write your own story
Check your circle!

Here are Priebe’s seven types of toxic relationship and how you can remove them from your life:

  1. “The friend who’s always there when you are down (But disappears as soon as you’re happy).”  Isolate, block, limit or simply stop talking with her.  Keep your heart open to her and should she ever need you for whatever reason, be available to support her but the daily roller coast has to end.
  2. “The partner whose whole entire world revolves around you.”  Discuss it and if he/she does not form their own friendships, leave especially if it is becoming a major issue, temper tantrum and all.
  3. “The friend or family member who is always ‘Just being realistic.'”  Thank him/her for the dose of realism and go right ahead and follow your inner guidance and your own sense of reason.
  4. “The friend you are constantly comparing yourself to.” Grow up! We are all unique and special in our own ways. Be you and stop the envying and comparisons.
  5. “The partner you’re keeping score with.” See #2.
  6. “The loved one you’re putting ahead of yourself.”  Cut the ties or the noose. This can be the longest and most difficult poison to remove from your system, especially if it a parent, but it is one of the most freeing.
  7. “The relationship you have with yourself.”  Get help if doing it on your own is not working. I healed my wounds through professional but more spiritual counselling, the unconditional love and support of friends and my desire to live my best life.
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Bottom line in removing toxic relationships or getting out of situations that are corrupting your growth is first knowing what it is that you want from life. By this, I do not mean stuff – at least not necessarily or primarily.

Create A Vision For Your Life, Then Walk It

If you have not done so already or if dust is gathering on it, a first step is to create a vision statement for your life. It can be as simple as: “I want to be happy in all that I do and bring joy to every interaction.”

What I found was that as I created and fine-tuned mine over the years, my boundary setting skills were honed, my tolerance for slow poisoning by so-called friends and supposed loved ones diminished and my acceptance of relationships that only served to curb my living as I craved disappeared.

A Practical Spirituality For The Busy Woman
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Practical Spirituality in a Fundamentalist World

There are times, more rarely than often, that poisonous people like bad gas will secrete into your life. Do not beat up on yourself. Learning to clean the air, detoxify your life is a daily endeavour.  Let me help you. Sign up for one of my Webinars – “A Practical Spirituality For The Busy Woman,” which is FREE and starts on Sunday, August 30. As well, you can take part in “A Practical Spirituality in a Fundamentalist World,” which is a 3-part Webinar and will help you create the life you want to live in today’s world.

Have a great poison free day and be sure to subscribe and receive updates of our posts. Tomorrow, Katelyn Roth will take us through some strange ways to workout in our Wellness featured post.

Namaste

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45 thoughts on “7 Toxic Relationships And How To Remove Them From Your Life

  1. […] the number of persons seeking to have conversations with you is indicative whether your tongue is poisonous or power-filled. Here are a couple of ways to improve the conversion rate of people willing and […]

  2. Needed this! Thanks for sharing!

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are most welcome!!! 🙂

  3. I used to allow myself into toxic relationships. And then I retrained myself on how I wish to be treated. It feels isolating at first, but then the true relationships are fulfilling and last a lifetime.

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are so right – it can feel lonely but then you find your best friend – yourself the world feel perfectly right!

  4. What a great post indeed and kudos for the work you did on yourself. This is some awesome information for removing the what affects you negatively. It is so important to remove the poison in every way from your life. I love that you said “Create a vision for your life and walk it.” which makes so much sense along with being so important. Thanks so much for sharing.

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are most welcome and thank you for your kind words! 🙂

  5. Loved your advice. I think #6 was the hardest for me, but had to be done and my life is much better for it.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I am happy to hear that Julia!! Thank you for stopping by. 🙂

  6. sicorra

    Great tips!
    The toxic relationships in my life are more family related then friend related. And the issues are always there, but living a far distance from them, does make things easier.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Do you have time for me to tell you some of my family-related toxicity? LOL. Yes, distance and high fences always help to ease the dosages! All the best.

  7. Conversely to #1 the friend who is NEVER around when you really need them. I have had a few friends who I’ve reevaluated our relationships recently because they dropped me like I was hot once I truly needed them. Now that I no longer need them they’re around but I’m not. I don’t need people who want my help when they need it but aren’t willing to reciprocate.

    1. Ms Claudette

      I hear you on that! I had a few like that. There was a time when I barely had food, homeless for a few days and no one thought to ask me how I was doing!!! I said nothing. Now, things are way better for me and they want to hang on so I cut my skirt and wear only shorts and thongs!! Kidding but you get what I mean.

  8. victoria

    Its really Good to Know Toxic relationships can havge such a negative effect on person while bein

    1. Ms Claudette

      Knowledge is always a good place to start in healing any situation. Thanks for dropping by! 🙂

  9. Great post. After our NICU journey, we found out who are true friends really were, and let go of those that weren’t supportive or that were causing us stress.

    1. Ms Claudette

      That’s the part – when they cause stress – that you have to watch out for. Good for you guys that you did! 🙂

  10. I try my best to stay away from toxic people, but it’s not always easy. Once you’ve distanced yourself from them, it feels a lot better.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Oh yes it does! Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

  11. You are very brave to share your struggles. I have a few lists of signs that a person in poisonous.

    1. Ms Claudette

      My mess is my message. 🙂 Thank you for visiting Beth! 🙂

  12. Elizabeth O.

    Those are spot on. I have this friend whom I feel feeds on my failures/mistakes. I always felt that she would rather have me fail then let me succeed. Whenever something good happens to me, she’s the first one to slam it down. I stopped talking to her and I feel lighter now.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Good for you! Those people i do not call friends. They are feeders/suckers of your energy. I had lots of them in my life but like you I managed to weed them out. Only one or two remain and I am slowly doing the detox work there. All the best with your situation! 🙂

  13. I just heard something funny but true-Some people are so negative if they walk in a dark room they start to develop.

    1. Ms Claudette

      You had me laughing so loudly this early morning reading that!!!

  14. Envisioning your life as you wish it to be is a great motivator!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Indeed it is!

  15. Yikes, I see several different toxic types that I’ve been friends with. That’s one advantage to moving though…I shake them loose!

    1. Ms Claudette

      Amen to that! 🙂

  16. Ahhhhh this is something hubby and I have been working on lately! Getting rid of the toxic energy suckers! It’s hard, but it needs to be done

    1. Ms Claudette

      Yes, it needs to be done, if you want a peaceful life!

  17. I needed this today! I have a toxic friend I need to ditch LOL

    1. Ms Claudette

      You know what to do 🙂 Best of luck and a happier life moving forward! 🙂

  18. Interesting blog post. Especially like list seven signs of toxic relationship. You have to know when to walk away or stay in never ending cycle of pain. Thanks for sharing these topic need to be address.

    1. Ms Claudette

      You are most welcome and thank you for visiting. 🙂

  19. This is very interesting. I used to journal but I have stopped. This might be just the inspiration I need to start again.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Journalling has been many things to me and for me – a lifesaver! 🙂

  20. Good to know! Toxic relationship suck the life out of you!

    1. Ms Claudette

      That they do! 🙂

  21. shelahmoss

    What you say is so true. Toxic relationships can have such a negative effect on a person’s well being.

    1. Ms Claudette

      Indeed they do. You have to have a very strong protective shield! L)

  22. Robin Rue (@massholemommy)

    It is really hard when you have someone negative in your life and sometimes they can be hard to remove, but life is so much brighter without them 🙂

    1. Ms Claudette

      Robin, I know exactly what you mean. I lived with an extremely negative person for 16 years. At first, it wasn’t clear to me the extent of the negativity as I was very much a part of it. As my eyes “opened” it became frightening for me how dark our world was! Yes, the break up was painful but now that I no longer live in that darkness, I am so thankful it ended. All the best to you. Namaste 🙂

  23. I am sure we have all known someone like this before. It sure can be draining.

    1. Ms Claudette

      It most certainly can be! 🙁

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