Motivational Monday and this week front and centre are relationships – how to get ready for one, attract one, be in one and even handle the end of one.
Every woman and I dare say man, hope for a love like this – the one shared between my very best of friends, Beverly and Noel Martin. They are most certainly the model and motivation for me where it concerns an intimate relationship. Before you enter or settle for the relationship you are now in – read this interview with The Martins, hosts of the “Talk It Up” radio show in Orlando, Florida.
When We Met…
Beverly: Noel and I first met on Facebook, in his music group, Oldies For EvaH, on his birthday. The group members were having a virtual birthday party for him.
Noel: Beverly and I met on Facebook. I have a music group called Oldies For EvaH and there was a virtual birthday celebration being held in my honor.
What was the first thing that caught your attention about each other?
Noel: I was instantly attracted to Beverly’s awesome looks and her taste in music.
Beverly: The first thing that caught my attention about Noel was his choice in music. They were all my favorite selections. I also appreciated that he was such a gentleman as we posted music and shared about the artists. He didn’t try making a pass at me as other men would do. We were just sharing our love for music.
Is that “first thing” still appealing to you? Why?
Noel: We had similar music tastes and I looked forward to her responses with a warm fuzzy feeling. Like a kid waiting to open presents on Christmas morning. I visited her Facebook profile at least twenty times daily. I knew I was falling in love with someone I had never met. So I asked her for her phone number and permission to call. She asked me “Why”, I told her so that I can hear her voice and this would help me learn more about this gorgeous young lady.
Beverly: That “first thing” that attracted me to him was our conversations. I really enjoyed talking to him. We became friends. That is important in a romantic relationship; being friends before you are lovers. A couple of weeks after our first meeting on Facebook, Noel inbox me on July 4th telling me how nice my holiday pictures with Megan, my daughter, were. We messaged back and forth about that then he asked me to lunch. I turned him down. At that time, I was speaking to another guy in Maryland and was hoping to meet and see where that would lead. Noel accepted the letdown. He didn’t stop communicating with me, though. He sent me a positive, inspiring message every morning. I began to look forward to these messages every morning. Finally, he asked me for my phone number. He said he enjoyed talking to me online and would love to hear my voice on the phone.
What made you want to see her/him again?
Noel: She gave me the number and I called, I remember telling her I am going to marry her very early and she told me I am crazy. I invited her to lunch and she turned me down. She said she was involved with someone else (and my feelings hurt). Unable to get her out of mind, I decided to text her every day just to say “Hi” not wanting to neither complicate nor confuse her situation. I used a mango my brother brought me from Ft Lauderdale as a gift and a reason to see her…..WOW! She was even much more gorgeous in real life! Her smile was so heart warming. She melted my heart. I hugged her, trying to keep it friendly and church style. After I left, I called and told her how much I am attracted to her and how gorgeous she was.
Beverly: By this time, I felt comfortable enough with him to share my number. He called and kept the phone call at less than 5 minutes. He was very courteous, which piqued my interest. I finally accepted his invitation to meet when he told me that his brother brought him a nice Jamaican mango and he would love to bring it to me. We met for the first time over a mango. He brought it to me at school (I was in school at the time); he gave me a hug; told me it’s so nice to finally meet and that I am beautiful; handed me the mango and said goodbye.
Essential Relationship Questions
Were you married or in a long-term relationship before? If yes, looking back what was the one major thing that brought it to an end?
Noel: At the time I was still legally married….25 years. I wanted to wait until my youngest child graduated from college before I divorced her mom. I explained this to Bev and she was the first woman to understand what that meant to me. My “marriage” ended shortly after my daughter was born. My wife forced me to get a vasectomy and, shortly after, stopped being intimate with me. I moved out of the bedroom and slept on the couch from 1996 until we moved into separate homes and my daughter went to college in 2007.
Beverley: I was in a 28-year love-less marriage. I was very unhappy, and when I turned 50, I decided I could not live like that anymore. I wanted to spend the other half of my life happy; happy with myself for making good choices, and being able to love and be loved. I walked away from that marriage.
If this “thing” started leaking into this relationship, how would you handle it?
Noel: The major thing that was wrong with my first marriage was that I never did find out what my wife wanted in a marriage and how to fix it. She even refused to get some marriage counseling. I sometimes wish that she was more interested in the idea of marriage counseling or mediation, as you never know what may have happened from this. My friend has been through counseling before, but instead used a telehealth service that can be done electronically instead, so it wasn’t like she had an excuse. But oh well. What’s done is done. I would recommend that everyone should try marriage counseling, in any format you please, (click here to learn more about telehealth counselling) as it may just be the best thing that you ever decide to do.
Beverly: If that should happen in this relationship, I would not stay if it got to that point. I won’t ever live like that again.
What two things keep your love alive and what would you do if they started to wane?
Beverly: The two things that keep the love alive between Noel and I is that we respect each other, and we are each other’s best friend. If these things started to wane, we wouldn’t share the intimacy that we do now, and the relationship would be in trouble.
Noel: Bev and I have a wonderful sex life and I would die trying to make her happy in every aspect of our relationship. I have never loved anyone the way I love her and I have never been loved the way she loves me.
Outside of Us…
Name three things on your bucket list? Why are these things important?
Noel: I don’t have a bucket list.
Beverly: The three things on my bucket list to do with Noel: Going to Jamaica together and visiting our respective hometowns; mentoring other couples and write our memoirs. It’s important to me to do these things to strengthen our bond as a couple, our bond with our family, and our bond with other couples.
Do you have activities that you do alone? What is it and why is your partner not included?
Beverly: I go on shopping trips without Noel sometimes because it’s not an activity that he really enjoys doing, even though he will happily come along if I asked him to.
Noel: I work and play a lot on the computer and Beverly is not necessarily into that. I used to watch television a lot but that changed when we got together. We do most leisure activities together. She is the first woman I have ever had in my life that I don’t have to wonder where she is nor what she is doing.
Keeping our love
Marriages and long-term relationships seem to be on the decline in many places. What makes you think or hope this one will last for the rest of your natural life?
Beverly: Noel and I have the main ingredient for a long and lasting love. We respect, honor and love each other every day. Every day we tell each other how much we mean to each other. We make each other a priority and take pleasure in making each other happy in our relationship.
Noel: I am happy every day I wake up with Bev lying beside me. I try to tell her how much I love her throughout each and every day. It is so easy to love Beverly. I now know what true love really feels like.
What would be your advice about love and relationships to people who are getting divorced or recently separated?
Beverly: My advice to someone who just got divorced or recently separated is to take time to work on you. Living in a bad relationship causes you to lose yourself. Find yourself again; love yourself again; make “you” a priority; pamper yourself; do the things that bring you joy. You won’t have anything to pour into a relationship with anyone until you are happy and at peace with you and where you are in your life.
Noel: My advice to other couples would be to make sure you are mature enough to be able to express your love for your spouse anytime, anywhere without being embarrassed. Also physical contact is very important, even in church. A gentle caress on her cheek is all it takes to ignite the most adorable smile I have ever seen. Don’t be too proud to say “I’m sorry.” Don’t stop listening to what your spouse has to say…even when it may be interrupting whatever you are doing at the time.
Beverly and Noel are Hosts of the Talk It Up Radio Show that airs every Saturday, from 6:00 to 7:00 p.m. on WOKB 1680 AM from. WOKB is 24-hour Caribbean station in Central Florida with an audience of over 10,000 listeners. Placed in the top 20 stations in Central Florida, WOKB is voted the most popular AM station in the Orlando area. Listen to their show live each week and make sure to tell them you want their kind of love! They might have a tip or two more for you!